


Red and Blue

by Kate_Shepard, potionsmaster



Series: Seeing Red [5]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Feelings, First Love, Fluff and Smut, Origin Story, Pre-Canon, Renegade Shepard (Mass Effect), Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 08:07:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 43,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13566372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate_Shepard/pseuds/Kate_Shepard, https://archiveofourown.org/users/potionsmaster/pseuds/potionsmaster
Summary: Lieutenant "Red" Shepherd (Shepard), orphan, former leader of the Tenth Street Reds, reluctant hero of the Skyllian Blitz, unrepentant renegade, does NOT play well with others. She certainly doesn't FEEL things for people. But when she receives exciting news and runs into her old biotics instructor on the same day, she gets more than she bargained for. Can Red learn to open up again? Would he even want her to if he knew who she really was?Follows the events of "Seeing Red," "Black Ledger, Red Ink," and "Red Ledger, Bloody Ink." Reading the prequels will help the story make more sense, but isn't necessary until Unbreakable.





	1. Past, Meet Present

                                                       

 

Red lay on her stomach on the table in the tattoo parlor. With all of the advances in technology the world had gained, little had changed where body modification procedures were concerned. The process was safer than ever and she’d been told the healing process was faster than it had been even a century ago, but skin still had to be pierced, ink still needed to be laid. The tattoo gun buzzed and vibrated over her shoulder blade, leaving a delicious burn in its wake.

She’d been clean for two months. Resisting the siren call of escape into oblivion was pure hell. Getting clean, truly clean, had been as much of a battle as Elysium. The truth of what happened there was something only she knew. Months later, she was still hailed a hero and she still detested the attention that came with it. She supposed she should be proud of herself and she was, but Elysium wasn’t the victory that mattered to her.

The Reds had broken her. As long as she’d remained broken, they’d won. She couldn’t go back. She couldn’t stop what had already happened and she couldn’t kill the murdering bastards again. She could only keep moving forward. She still kept the slim metal box in her boot, but it was empty and sealed. She’d moved it to her right foot, the one she kicked off from when she charged. She appreciated the symbolism of crushing it under her heel.

The tattoo gun moved to the top of her shoulder, riding over the bone. Red breathed deep, accepting the sharp wave of pain. It was almost pleasant. Certainly better than a gunshot. It would be worth it to have the reminder permanently inked into her skin. She wasn’t that girl on the street corner anymore. She’d risen above it. She’d told Thane once that she’d stood in the ashes of what came from trying to do the right thing for the right reasons. She’d risen from those ashes. She was harder, but she was stronger, too. The colorful phoenix rising from a bed of red coals would be a constant testament to that fact.

Her omni-tool pinged. She shifted her wrist to activate it, wondering who would be contacting her. It had to be work-related. No one had her extranet address for anything else. She read through the new message and shifted to bring it closer to her. “I need you to be still, miss,” the tattoo artist chided. She ignored him and read the message again, fighting the urge to throw her fist in the air. She couldn’t believe it, but it was there in black and white.

* * *

 

 

**EARTH SYSTEMS ALLIANCE**

Second Lieutenant Katherine R. Shepherd

Alliance Navy

SSV Trafalgar

Unit VP-16

To: Katherine R. Shepherd

You have been selected for Interplanetary Combatives Training. Please report to the Interplanetary Combatives Academy in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, Earth on April 15, 2176. You will need to bring the following items:

  * Copy of your current orders
  * Identification
  * Four utility uniforms
  * One dress uniform
  * Toiletries
  * Standard-issue gear



Upon arrival, report to Major Kirkland.

 

/s/ Major John S. Thomas

Maj. John S. Thomas, Commandant

 

* * *

N-school. The Alliance wanted to send her to N-school. Hells, yes. N7s were the best of the best and she was determined to join their ranks. N1 was, of course, the first step to it. You didn’t request ICT. They had to invite you. It seemed there was one benefit to her involvement in the Skyllian Blitz. N-training was far more desirable than a damn medal. The former would take her somewhere. The latter just weighed down her uniform and gave her more to polish. It did get her free drinks, but she didn’t need to stoop that low.

“There,” the artist said. “Finished. Take a look.”

She’d completely forgotten about the tattoo. She distractedly took the mirror he offered and checked it out. A phoenix, done in a splatter paint style with its head down and talons extended, flew up her back. It started at the dip of her waist, rising up the right side of her back until it reached the wings. One splayed out over the left side of her back, skirting just below where her collar would sit. The other wing curved up over her shoulder and trailed down the outside of her upper arm, its feathers coming to a point over the handful of track marks that remained in the sensitive flesh there.

“It’s fucking perfect,” she said. It was all fucking perfect. It was too good to be true.

She needed to train. She was in shape, of course, but the requirements for ICT were far more stringent than in the rest of the military. She’d learned that the minimum requirements listed for a training slot were absolute minimums to get in; not what would keep you in. She could meet them now. She wanted to exceed them. She would be the best in her class or she’d go down fighting for it.

Things were looking better for her than they had in a long time. She left the tattoo parlor with anxiety fluttering in her gut. Something was bound to go wrong, but what? She rolled her shoulder, feeling the pull of tender skin, and wondered if she’d been too hasty. Sure, she was two months out, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t relapse again. It had been almost two years the last time.

Of course, Elysium had been an extraordinarily stressful and intense experience. It was reasonable that it would have thrown her off somehow. It had been an illuminating one as well. She’d realized that she wasn’t in control of herself if she couldn’t control her addiction. There was no ‘just a little’ for her. She had to stay away altogether. And she would. She couldn’t expect Thane to come save her and no one else cared whether she lived or died beyond what she could do for them. It was up to her, but she couldn’t save herself if she was simultaneously sabotaging herself. And that meant that she had to be the only voice in her head.

She strode down the streets of downtown Vancouver with only a portion of her attention attuned to her surroundings. Sorting the details of her environment and discarding what was unimportant while noting what was or what could be was a habit so deeply ingrained in her that she didn’t consciously recognize that she was doing it anymore. She passed by couples strolling hand in hand and friends walking in groups with a muted sense of wonder and envy. Didn’t they know the risk they were facing or were they still in the bliss of ignorance? Did taking it make them braver than she or simply foolhardy? Caring about people not only gave them a weapon, it gave your enemies one as well.

Those thoughts must have distracted her because she was taken by surprise when a voice called out, “Lieutenant Shepherd? Can I have a moment of your time?”

She groaned inwardly at the sight of the reporter chasing after her. The woman had her hand in the air, flagging her down like she was a taxi. Red wished they would just leave her alone. She hadn’t been able to simply take a walk since she’d left rehab without being bombarded by reporters, civilians wanting to speak with her, or a ping on her omni-tool voluntelling her to be at yet another ceremony. She could almost understand the civilians’ insistence on bringing it up. The military should have known better. She didn’t want to talk about Elysium. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to be hailed as a damn hero. The reporter caught her before she could make her escape. The next time she went out, she was wearing a hoodie. Her hair made her too recognizable.

“Lieutenant Shepherd, I’m Molly Grace with Vancouver Nightly News. Do you have a moment to speak with us about your heroic efforts on Elysium during the recent Skyllian Blitz?”

“I’m sorry, Ms. Grace,” she said. “I’m on my way to a meeting.”

“Oh, it’ll only take a moment,” the woman said, activating her camera drone. “Surely, you can spare that.”

There were too many witnesses to allow her to punch the damn reporter without repercussions. Her pistol was in the barracks, so she couldn’t shoot the camera. She’d just tell the woman to fuck off, but Admiral Hackett had ordered her to play nice the _last_ time the paparazzi had gotten in her face. Polite but firm was going to have to suffice. “I’m sorry. I really am very late to my meeting. I should go.”

“Lieutenant. Wait!”

The woman reached out and wrapped her hand around Red’s arm. Red’s barrier flared, but before she could elbow the reporter in the face, another voice, whiskey-smooth and familiar, called her name. “Shepherd? Is that you?”

She recognized him immediately, standing behind her with an uncertain look on his face. He hadn’t changed at all in the years since she’d last seen him. His dark hair was still slightly longer than most chose to keep it but still fell into place like he’d trained it to do so. His golden eyes still reminded her of a bird of prey. His face still held that hint of childhood softness.

She glanced at the reporter and back at the lieutenant before deciding that he would likely be able to roll with anything she threw at him and she could get rid of the bitch without causing a diplomatic incident. Win-win. She excused herself from the reporter before plastering on an excited smile and bubbling, “Alenko! Oh my god, you’re here!”

“Hey!” he said with a smile. “It’s been awhile. How are you?”

Hoping the reporter hadn’t caught his response, Red threw her arms around him like she was greeting an old friend and hissed in his ear, “Get me out of here.”

He tensed and his brow furrowed, but he didn’t miss a beat before saying, “I need you to come with me, Lieutenant. The admirals are waiting.”

She hooked her arm through his and said, “I knew I was going to be late, but I didn’t expect them to send out the cavalry.” She shot an insolent wave over her shoulder at the reporter and let Alenko steer her away from the crowd. When they were out of eyeshot of the woman, Red relaxed and released him. “Thanks. Sorry about that. Hackett said if I punch another reporter on live vid, I’m getting my pay docked.”

He laughed and said, “I can see how that would be a dilemma. Aside from this, though, is everything alright? I think you're the last person I'd expect to run into roaming the streets of Vancouver.”

Red sincerely hoped he wasn’t about to ask her about Elysium. She didn’t want it from _him_ , too. And she detested small talk. Still, people expected it and giving them what they expected made her life easier. She said, “Yeah, outside of reporters hounding my every step. How are you? It’s been a while. Are you still at biotics school?”

"For the time being. I’ve been considering requesting a rotation on a ship. I prefer to get my hands dirty, you know?"

Oh, did she know. She’d discovered that there was little in the galaxy that she loved more. And she’d just learned something about him, so that was a bonus. She’d never attempted to play her game with him. Her focus had been on the other students and she’d decided the less she thought about the sexy biotics instructor, the better. She flashed a grin at him and said, “Nothing better than the deck of a ship beneath your feet, is there?"

"Oh, yeah. I’ve always loved being out among the stars. What about you? What are you doing here?"

She agreed, but she didn’t want his attention turning to her. The goal of the game was to learn about the other person without them learning about her in return. It was generally easier than she’d thought in the beginning. Most people didn’t care about others. They just wanted to speak about themselves and allowing them to do so made them feel close to the listener. So, she simply deflected, “Shore leave.” Working leave, but leave all the same. “What brings you to Vancouver?”

"My parents’ anniversary is coming up in a few days, so I came home to visit the family."

His hometown and the apparent fact that he both had family and was close enough with them to travel for them made two things she now knew about him. Three more to go. “Congratulations to them, Lieutenant,” she said, giving out the expected social response by rote.

She still wouldn’t fit in anywhere most people considered polite society, but she’d learned to hide the boredom most people engendered in her for the sake of manners. As one of her former COs had pointed out, one caught more flies with honey. And if the initial soft approach didn’t work, she could always escalate. That wasn’t necessary here, of course. Alenko wasn’t as unwelcome as most people.

"Thanks. How long will you be in town?"

"Only a few days," she answered, glancing down at her omni-tool. Small talk _really_ wasn’t her forte and she was getting chilly now that she wasn’t moving. She’d had enough of the cold in Chicago. She shrugged her jacket higher around her neck. As soon as she could extract herself without being rude, she’d go.

He nodded. "Well, that’s unfortunate. I was going to suggest meeting up for drinks later this week, but you’ll be gone by then. You wouldn’t happen to be free now, would you?" he asked.

She should say no. She had things to do and the hawk-eyed biotics instructor was a potential complication she didn’t need. She had a serious case of lust for him, which wouldn’t have been a big deal to her since he was no longer in her chain of command, but she also respected him more than she did most people. If not for Alenko kicking her ass when she’d needed it, she wouldn’t have an ICT invitation on her omni-tool right now. Which also meant that she couldn’t bring herself to turn him down. It was just drinks between colleagues. Nothing wrong with that even if she did want to jump his bones. She needed to thank him and she wanted to share her good news with someone.

She and Thane kept in touch on occasion—she thought Elysium had meant more to him than it had to her—but he’d been running silent on a job for several months and she didn’t know if she would be able to do more than have a message waiting for him by the time she’d shipped out. They generally attempted to keep each other apprised of major developments in their lives and had an unspoken rule that they warned each other before going dark if they could. She’d wondered once if she would know if something happened to him. After that, he’d set up a program that would alert her if he died. She’d done the same for him. As long as that alert didn’t come, they knew the other was still out there somewhere. Still, it was rare that they were able to discuss things in real-time. One or the other was usually left to comment on news that was already old by the time they received it.

Alenko was here right now. Her other plans could wait. She’d been jumping through hoops for the Alliance for more than a month now. “‘I'm as free as the dust in the solar wind,’” she answered, quoting some vid Essex had watched on a too-regular basis.

His lips curled up into a smile that did interesting things to her insides. "I never would have imagined you enjoying romance vids. Where would you like to go?"

She didn’t, but he clearly was if he immediately identified the quote. That was three. Alenko was a closet romantic. That wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Romantics tended to want more than what she was willing to give. Still, that grin had her insides doing flips and she wanted to see it again, so she quipped, “Romance? I thought it was a comedy. Essex loved it.”

“It is an acquired taste, I’ll give you that,” he conceded. No grin this time. She was going to have to work harder.

He obviously liked the movie, so she tried not to cringe and said, “It’s…sweet.”

There was humor in his voice when he said, "So is antifreeze. That doesn’t make it fit for consumption. Lunch?"

That startled a genuine laugh out of her. “Sure. What do you suggest?”

"I’ll eat almost anything. I’m free until tomorrow afternoon, so whatever you’d like is fine with me."

“I've been stuck on a starship eating rations for the last month and I can eat absolutely anything. This is your turf. Why don't you surprise me?” she suggested. “ _Real_ food.”

"There’s a sandwich bistro by the water with a good menu and beer," he suggested

Beer was good. "They have steak?" she asked as he led her down the street.


	2. Just A Drink

He directed her into a cute little bistro on the corner near the tattoo shop and answered, “Among other things.” He pointed to a table in the back corner, which she approved of, and she automatically took the seat that put her back to the wall and gave her a clear view of the door. That earned her another grin. “We think alike.”

“Did I steal your seat, LT?” she asked.

“Maybe,” he answered. “It’s okay; though, I also prefer clear sightlines.”

She considered moving for an instant before deciding against it. She didn’t know how observant he was yet and even on shore leave, one could never be too careful. Instead, she offered, “If you slide that chair there, you can see the door and I can watch your six.”

This time, his grin held more than a hint of approval. “You’ve learned. I’m proud.”

Her own smile widened in response and her heart gave a traitorous thump. She gave herself an internal shake. She didn’t need his approval. She didn’t need anyone’s approval. Still, his pride was something she’d striven for in class and she liked it no less now that she was no longer his student. She pushed the chair out with her boot and said, "Thanks, LT. That, uh, means a lot."

He slid the tabletop kiosk to her. "Take a look. If you like beer, the lager is pretty good."

She perused the menu. "Never had a Canadian lager before. I'll defer to your expertise." She tapped in the order for a rare steak sandwich and a beer before returning it to him.

“Lady after my own heart. I’ll take the same,” he said, placing his own order. She snorted a laugh and cleared her throat before looking away with a grin. She’d been called a lot of things, but no one had ever accused her of being a lady.

“So, how _is_ the Alliance treating you?” he asked, shifting to face her. “It's rare I get to catch up with students after they cycle out.”

“Yeah? Figured you'd be the type to follow us when you could.” Ah, what the hell. She leaned forward with her elbows on the table, her hands clasped in front of her. “Look, Lieutenant, I, uh, owe you a thanks. And...well, I wouldn't be where I am today if not for you. So. Thanks. I mean, you probably don't remember. I'm sure you've chewed thousands of us, but...” What the hell was it about him that got her so flustered? She wasn’t the type to stutter or stammer, but when he fixed those golden eyes on her, rational thought went out the airlock.

He gave her a warm smile over a sip of beer. “I remember you, Shepherd. You don't have to thank me. You did the work. I just pointed you in the right direction.”

She shook her head. “It was more than that, sir. Anyway, I got an interesting message today.” She wanted to tell him, she realized. Alenko was the first person who’d ever believed in her without first seeing what she was capable of. Even Thane’s initial opinion of her had been pity. It had only changed to respect after seeing her in action. She’d given Alenko no reason to believe she was anything more than a cocky little shit with a self-aggrandized view of her own abilities; which, to be fair, she had been.

“Oh?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in expectation.

A beer wasn’t enough to get her buzzed, but the day, the pleasant sting of the tattoo on her back, the invitation on her omni-tool all combined to send warmth flooding her. A youthful excitement that she hadn’t felt since Gabe and Abby were still alive surged and she flashed a genuine grin. “Okay. I have no one else to share this with, so you have to be extremely excited here, got it? Because this is all the celebration I get.” She realized what she’d said once the words were out of her mouth, but could only hope that he would take that to mean she had no one _here_ with whom she could share and that he wouldn’t push. Alenko certainly wouldn’t understand her history and she didn’t want to ruin the mood. She was practically vibrating in her chair.

He chuckled. “I think I can handle that. I could use some good news.”

She dragged her lower lip between her teeth, her eyes sparkling. “I got invited to the Villa,” she said in a rush.

He leaned forward in his chair, his face lighting. “ICT? No shit? Congratulations, Shepherd! Hell, yes.” He gave her another warm smile and lifted his nearly-empty bottle. “Here’s to you. Who’s like us?”

“Damn few.” She clinked her bottle against his.

“And they’re all dead,” he added with a twinkle in his eye.

“Again, thank you. If you hadn't kicked my ass when I needed it...” She shook her head, imagining what might have been. She probably would have ended up stripping on Omega for drug money. “I'd have been out. Now...N1 isn't all that, but N7? Can you imagine?”

“I might have some idea. They’ll make you earn it, that’s for certain. If anybody can go all the way, though, it's you.”

There he went again. Believing in her with no reason to do so. She didn’t know if he even knew about the Blitz. And, despite what the Alliance had led the public to believe, there was no reason for him to be proud of her for that one. She vaguely remembered wondering what he’d think if he’d seen her crouched down behind that barricade with a batarian horde at her back, using her borrowed rifle to snort red sand up her nose. No one but probably Dr. Chakwas knew that she’d been high as a fucking kite during the Blitz and if the doc did, she hadn’t mentioned it. He had no reason to believe in her.

She raised a brow, choosing to deflect rather than explore how that made her feel. “That sounds like experience, LT.” He flashed a grin behind the rim of his beer and her eyes lit. “Oh, really? How far?”

“N5. I was told the only thing holding me back from N6 was my implant. Too unstable for them to want to take on the risk leading my own N-team. So, I started teaching.”

She remembered that he’d told them he was an L2, but even getting invited ICT was a high honor. That meant he’d done something to distinguish himself before he’d set foot into a classroom and making it all the way to N5 meant he was more of a badass than he let on. She ticked another box on her mental list. Then the implications of what he’d said hit her and indignation took over. She slapped her beer back onto the table and sat back. “You’re shitting me. They turned you down for N6 because you’re an L2?”

He shrugged as if he expected no less. “L2s come with some serious complications. We have a lot of benefits, but once the L3s came out, all they saw was the liability.”

“Yeah, but a _stable_ L2—and I've seen your biotics—is like the Holy Grail,” she protested.

The shells of his ears turned pink and his grin curled the corner of his mouth. “If you say so.” He sobered and settled back in his chair, locking his eyes with her. “Let’s have it. Report, Shepherd.”

The shift in his demeanor caught her off-guard. If she didn’t know better, she’d have said he’d slipped back into instructor mode. He couldn’t have…. Could he? No. She was better than that, wasn’t she? “Report, sir?”

“Yes, Lieutenant. I want to hear five new things you’ve learned about me today.”

She gave him an innocent look. “I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, sir. I've just been having a conversation.” _Damn, he's good._ It wasn’t often that someone saw through her bullshit to the calculation beneath.

“Cut the bullshit, Shep. I know when my own tactics are being used against me. Report. Now.” The corners of his mouth twitched almost imperceptibly and his honeyed eyes sparkled.

She laughed. “Check and mate. I’m going to have to up my game, Alenko. Should I be at attention for this?”

“Kaidan.” She blinked at him in surprise. “I think you can remain where you are.”

“Uh, Kate. Though I think I like Shep.” First names, hmm? It was a start.

“Kate’s pretty,” he said. “Classic. I like it.”

Her jaw clenched before she could stop it. It was just a name. Thane had picked it for her because of its ties to the goddess Hecate. Torture. Crossroads. It had seemed fitting. Her name, if she had one, was Red. She’d gotten herself into the habit of thinking of herself as Kate on occasion so that she would answer to it, nothing more. No one called her Red anymore. She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. She pushed the thought aside and leaned forward.

 _“_ All right, _Kaidan_. One. You're from Vancouver and close with your family.”

He nodded.

“Two. You blush, which means you aren't entirely the hardass you pretend to be.”

“ _Blushing_? You can do better than that. Or did you forget the parameters? That’s easily observable.”

“But I never saw your ears turn pink during training. You were Mr. Cool Calm and Collected.” That should count, damn it! No one at biotics school would have _believed_ he could blush.

“It was cold out. Or something could have happened earlier in the day. You don't know the cause. Next.”

Red huffed. He _always_ managed to throw her off-balance. She didn’t know why she’d expected otherwise when he was no longer her teacher. “Fine. You’re a closet romantic.”

“Continue.”

She filed that one away for later perusal and decided to cut deep on this one. “Either your biotics or your implant make you uncomfortable.”

He raised a brow. “Too vague. You’re losing your touch, Shepherd. Elaborate.”

“You deflect compliments that you're entitled to,” she began, thinking of his dismissal of her earlier one.

“As do you,” he countered.

“Oh?” Where’d he get that from? She was perfectly comfortable accepting compliments she deserved. She simply rejected the ones she didn’t. She didn’t need false flattery. She was comfortable in her own skin.

“Don’t attempt to redirect,” he said rather than answering. Had he misread her reaction to him liking her name?

She would figure it out later. For now, he was challenging her. “I can read body language, Kaidan. And you at least pretend to accept being discriminated against for something you can't control, but you must have wanted N7. Being rejected had to sting. Which means it's the reaction you expect and that means you've internalized it.”

“Nice deduction. Continue.”

She was surprised he didn’t try to deny it. Next. “Teaching isn’t your ultimate goal.” Which, in a way, was a damn shame. He was so _good_ at it. He took another sip, his eyes sparkle in amusement. She grinned at him. “Would you like me to defend that one, too, sir?” She couldn’t remember the last time she’d bantered with someone for the hell of it.

He chuckled. "I think that's pretty obvious, but I'll allow it anyway."

“Fifth,” she said, just recognizing it for herself. She should have seen it before. “You’re kind.”

“I'm sure you have more than that. You did good,” he praised.

“Thank you, sir.” She took a sip of her beer to calm the fluttering in her chest. She wanted him to stop _looking_ at her. She swiped her credit chit, covering their meal, and pushed her chair back. “Come on.”

“Wait. _I'm_ supposed to be buying _you_ the drinks for celebration. Where are we going?” he protested.

She grinned down at him, enjoying seeing _him_ flustered for once. “To find something that makes us feel young.” She wasn’t sure what that was. She couldn’t remember ever feeling young, but she was a smart woman. She could figure something out. Drinks and dancing generally did it for her classmates. He followed her out of the bistro and waited as she called up her omni-tool. “VI, find us a bar. With dancing.”

“Oh, God,” he laughed. “You have clearly never seen me attempt to dance when I'm intoxicated.”

“Just promise not to laugh at me,” she teased. She couldn’t dance for _shit_ on her own, but give her a body to grind up against…. His would do just fine.


	3. Cherry Blossoms

“What’s your opinion on speed, LT?” Shepherd asked as they walked down the street.

“Speed as in velocity or as in drugs?” Kaidan asked, keeping step with her. For someone as small as she was, her strides were quick and he didn’t have to shorten his much to keep pace with her.

“The velocity of an object, LT. No drugs for me, I'm afraid,” she said.

“That’s good. It’s a common problem among biotics.” He should know. “As for velocity of an object, it depends on the circumstances. Some things don’t need to be rushed.”

He hadn’t expected her to seek out more time with him. She’d never been personable with her classmates during school, preferring instead to keep to herself. There had been a distance between her and the others even when she’d been standing shoulder to shoulder with them. She’d been attentive when he’d spoken, though, and had sat in on his after class powwows with the other sentinels even though they’d mostly talked tech that she as a vanguard didn’t need.

"Interesting answer." She rubbed the webbing between her fingers as she led him to the parking lot at the end of the street. She walked up to a sleek black motorcycle. “You game?”

Anticipation thrummed through him at the sight of the machine. “Oh, yes. High-speed travel, I like.” He was an unrepentant adrenaline junkie. Something it seemed they might have in common. Spacediving had been his favorite part of ICT. If she liked speed, she was going to love that. She was certainly tough enough to survive N-school. He’d heard about her accomplishments during the Blitz, of course. By now, there were few who hadn’t. He felt a burst of pride when he thought about it. She’d done the impossible and he couldn’t stop the thought that he’d had a hand in creating the soldier she’d become. She was one of his greatest accomplishments as a teacher.  

She grinned at him. _“_ You and I are going to get along just fine, LT.” She hooked the helmet off of the handlebars and tossed it to him. “You're in luck. This one's a rental. Mine doesn't have a bitch seat.”

He laughed and teased, “Are you calling me your bitch, Shepherd?”

She smirked. “Not unless you fall off.”

“You should wear the helmet,” he said, holding it out to her.

“That’s what barriers are for,” she said, waving it off. “Besides, you _are_ more likely to fall off since you’re in back. Makes more sense for you to wear it.”

“Okay,” he conceded. It seemed unchivalrous to take it, but he already knew better than to argue when she had something set in her head. And from a purely logical perspective, he supposed it did make more sense.

She reached up, tying up the long hair that gleamed in the sun like fire falling down her back to keep it out of her face and donned a pair of aviator shades to protect her eyes. She swung a leg over the seat and patted behind her. “Hop on and hold on tight, LT.”

He chuckled and climbed on behind her, tucking up against her small frame. He could easily reach over her and drive if he wanted. He secured the helmet and rested his hands lightly on her hips. He’d noted during school that she didn’t like being touched, but he had to put them somewhere. “Will do.”

She eased the bike out of the parking lot and maneuvered through the heavy traffic congesting the city. He’d ridden a Night Rod before. The bike wasn’t designed for tight maneuverability, so he moved with her, helping her compensate for his added weight. After feeling her hips shift to kick the back end around the first corner, he automatically copied the motion.

“You ride?” she asked over her shoulder. Old school motorcycles were too loud to allow for real conversation, but regulations on noise pollution meant all they had to compensate for now was wind and the hum of the tires.

“Yeah,” he answered. “Kinda.”

“Kinda?” she asked. “What does that mean?”

“I used to ride dirt bikes around my grandparents’ orchard when I was a kid and I’ve been on a few since.”

“An orchard? Like with real fruit? I’ve never seen one of those,” she said.

The city had given way to suburbia and now to countryside. She leaned forward, almost lying on the machine. He tucked himself closer to her as she gained speed. He settled his chin onto her shoulder, careful not to bump her with the helmet, all but enveloping her to lower their profile. Heat radiated off of her through the buttery leather jacket she wore and the fizz of her biotics reverberated through his chest, vibrating with her excitement. He’d never seen her truly animated before.

“My family has an orchard with cherry and apple trees about an hour outside the city. They’re actually blooming right now. It’s beautiful. We could go see it if you want,” he offered, wanting to see more of it.

“Are you serious?” she asked.

“Absolutely…. Take the turn off coming up here.”

She hugged closer to the bike and gunned the motor, flying around the curve. His heart pounded with anticipation. He gripped tighter with his thighs, leaning with her, his hands firm but gentle on her hips. The tires sang over the pavement. It was a rare beautiful day. The sun was bright above them and outside of the city, the air was crisp and clean. He had blue sky overhead, a warm biotic at his front, and a roaring machine between his legs. Today was a good day. She opened the throttle wide and leaned her head back against his shoulder, keeping her eyes focused on the road.

He gave her directions once they neared his place and finally said, “Hidden drive on the left. Look for rows of trees along a white fence.” She slowed the bike, looking for the driveway. They turned in and he directed, “Follow it back to the house. Careful, it’s gravel.”

“Good thing about the Night Rod is that wide back tire. Doesn't take tight corners worth a damn, but she's stable,” she said. They pulled around the back and she cut the engine, slowly looking around. “This is...wow.”

He followed her gaze, taking in the large yellow house with blue trim, rocking chairs and potted plants gracing the wraparound porch where he’d carved figurines from wood with his grandfather. A second, smaller house belonging to the caretakers rested behind the main one. He could almost smell warm apple pie wafting from the open windows. Past the houses were the greenhouse, the cannery, and the sheds and barns that housed tractors, equipment, and the farm animals his grandmother had kept and Lolita had taken over caring for. Behind them, stretching into the distance were neat, orderly rows of trees.

Kaidan hung the helmet on the handlebar and climbed off the bike, whistling sharply. A fluffy black and white dog with bright blue eyes bounded around the side of the house, wagging a thick tail. He knelt down and buried his hands in its fur, laughing as the dog swiped a long pink tongue over his chin. _Now_ he was home. “Hey, boy. Yeah. I’m back,” he said, sitting back in the grass to let the dog climb into his lap. The Husky was large enough to almost be face to face with him when he sat.

“Shepherd, this is Kama. He belongs to Jaime and Lolita, the caretakers. He’s very friendly, as you can see.”

She finally climbed off the bike and approached the dog, holding her hand out to him to sniff. He licked it, leaving a trail of silvery saliva, and pressed against her legs, depositing fur against her dark pants that matched that left on his jeans. She scratched behind his ear, warm, soft fur brushing over her hand, and smiled hesitantly.

“You want the tour?” he asked.

“Sure,” she said, some of her earlier enthusiasm damped as her wide emerald eyes scanned the place again. She rubbed between her fingers again. “This is, ah, beyond my realm of experience.”

“I think it is for most people nowadays,” he said, getting up and brushing his pants off. “Grew up in a city, didn’t you?” He heard a hint in her accent that sounded like one of the major cities, but he couldn’t place it.

“Yeah. Chicago,” she answered, throwing the full weight of her accent behind it. “Can’t get rid of it.”

He chuckled. “The past has a way of staying with you, whether you want it to or not. Come on. The orchard in bloom is a magical place.”

“You live here?” she asked, following him past the empty house with Kama bounding ahead of them, still sprightly despite his age. Kaidan needed to come back while he was here and check on the house. He knew Lolita made sure it was kept in pristine condition, both out of respect for the memory of his grandmother and for the family’s visits, but he still enjoyed walking through and fixing what he could to keep the place up. Old farmhouses needed constant work, especially when no one was actively occupying them.

“No,” he answered. “My parents have an apartment in the city. My dad inherited the place when my grandparents died, but he doesn’t know anything about running an orchard, so the day-to-day is taken care of by the staff and we mostly use it as a vacation home now. If I don’t need to be on base, I generally stay out here, but those opportunities are few and far between, as I’m sure you know.”

He pointed out the buildings as they passed and described their purposes. Her gaze caught on the barn, so he decided to make a detour. The door gave a familiar creak when he pushed it open, aged wood rough beneath his fingers. Sunlight streamed through the open windows and dust motes danced through the beams. He breathed deeply of the scent of hay and animals, a smile lighting his face. The bleat of a sheep cut through the shuffle of hooves and snuffles of pigs rooting in their troughs for a meal that wouldn’t come until later in the evening.

“Jaime?” a feminine voice called out from one of the boxy stalls at the end of the row.

“It’s Kaidan,” he said, gesturing Shepherd forward. From the sounds of it, she was in for a treat.

“Kaidan! ¡Estas en casa! Necesito más toallas, por favor. Cici está pariendo.” [1] 

“Lo conseguiré para ti,” he replied. [2] 

“Gracias, chico. Bienvenido a casa.” [3]    

Kaidan stopped in the storage room and fetched a stack of towels before leading Shepherd down the dusty aisle to a stall where an older, dark-haired lady sat on the straw floor with a sheep lying in front of her. Tiny hooves and a nose appeared, accompanied by another loud bleat from Cici.

“She’s having a baby,” Shepherd said, moving closer to the door to peer into the stall. “That is so cool.”

Lolita gestured to them to come in. Kaidan opened the stall and moved aside for Shepherd to go in. Lolita took the towels from him and spread one below the emerging lamb. Shepherd knelt beside her, looking up at him. “I’ve never seen anything like this. You said it was an orchard. I wasn’t expecting animals, too.”

“Grandpa wanted to be self-sustaining,” he explained, crouching down on the other side of Lolita and rolling his sleeves up. “Sheep and llamas for wool. A few cows, goats, pigs, rabbits, and chickens for meat, milk, and eggs. There’s a well and a garden behind the house, too. The family could reasonably live out here and never need to go into town if we’re willing to forego extras.”

Cici gave another loud bleat and the lamb slid smoothly out. Lolita caught it, wrapping the towel around it and rubbing vigorously. Shepherd’s eyes locked onto it as Kaidan checked the sheep over, ensuring she wasn’t worse for wear while he waited for the afterbirth. He’d been through this process countless times as a kid when he’d gotten to visit his grandparents. Spring break for him had been work on the orchard rather than partying or going to the beach like his friends, but he’d loved every bit of it.   

Lolita deposited the lamb into Shepherd’s lap, garnering a surprised look from her, but Shepherd took over drying the infant. Cici looked around and began to help, licking its dark head. Shepherd reached out and gently patted the sheep before delving her fingers into its thick wool. “That’s kinda neat,” she said with a grin.

They remained in the barn until the lamb had gained its feet and begun to nurse. Kaidan introduced her to the other animals before leading her outside again where they washed their hands under a spigot. “Well, this has already been an interesting day,” she said. “I’d just planned to go back to the hotel and curl up with a book.”  

“Sounds like my plan,” he chuckled. “There’s something to be said for getting lost in a story, the weight of it in your hands, the scent of the glue binding the pages…” He stopped himself and grinned at her. “Sorry.”

“No, I get it,” she said. “It feels more real when it's on paper. Speaking of scents, I always imagined a barn would stink. That wasn’t that bad. Kinda nice.”

“It's like coming home,” he said with a smile.

“Home...didn't exactly smell like that,” she said slowly. “But I get it. Like...walking onto a ship after a long time ashore. The eezo, the grease.”

“Yeah. Familiar and safe,” he said as they began to walk toward the trees.

“Nowhere’s safe,” she replied automatically.

“Comfortable,” he amended, giving her a sideways look. Big city girl, avoided attachments, cynical even at eighteen. He’d wondered about her history before, but now he was almost certain it hadn’t been pleasant.  

“That, yes,” she agreed. “Comfortable.”

He glanced over at her. “Still have that cynical streak, I see.”

“Can’t shake that any more than the accent.”

They walked into the line of trees and her eyes widened again. He smiled, drinking in the field of whites like snow and pinks ranging from magenta to a mere blush of color. This was his refuge when everything went to hell. He’d run out here as a kid more times than he could count. His own personal enchanted forest. And when things had gotten _really_ bad, it had kept him sane. The apartment in Vancouver was where his parents lived. This was _home_.

“It’s beautiful,” Shepherd said in a hushed tone.

“You should see it when the blooms fall off. Creates a pink and white carpet as far as the eye can see,” he told her.

“They’re different, right? Which ones are what?”

He gestured to the left end of the orchard. “That’s the pumpkin patch over there. Then the trees are plum, then pear, then apple, and then cherry on the right. We’ve got bing, van, chelan, lapin, and rainier. Those are my favorite. Have you ever had one?”

“A cherry? No,” she said.

He gaped at her. “You’ve never had a cherry? At all?”

“Not a real one, no,” she said.

Kaidan shook his head. “I...don’t even know what to say about that. Now, I’m wishing it was July. We’d pick cherries for you till your stomach ached.” Maybe he could send some to her at ICT. Give her a little pick-me-up. That wouldn’t be inappropriate, would it? From what she’d said at the bistro, he doubted she had much of anyone in her life and outside contact could be what made the difference between success at the Villa and ringing out.

How was it that she had no one to share her news about ICT with outside of her old biotics instructor she hadn’t seen after leaving school? He cared about his students, but it wasn’t as if they’d been friends. And now? He didn’t know what this was and wasn’t particularly inclined to label it as anything more than acquaintances spending time together. Still, that didn’t mean she wouldn’t appreciate a box of cherries or that it meant anything more than a kind gesture.

She lifted a hand and cupped one of the blooms in it, examining it more closely. She’d never struck him as classically pretty on the rare occasions he’d allowed himself to think that way. ‘Impish’ was the word that came primarily to mind. But in this moment, she made him think of fairies. Backlit by the waning sun, with the sharp blue sky behind her and her hair streaming down her back like fire, she created a picture that he wanted to take and frame. A fairy who could stand alone against an army and _win_.

She’d always been one of his favorite students. She’d been a challenge, a mystery, interesting. She’d learned quickly, excelled in academic and technical training, and had utterly tanked when faced with interpersonal expectations. The other instructors had half-joked that she was secretly a mech put there by the Alliance to either test their training methods or secret AI technology. She was smart as a whip, more powerful than even he was but with a far more limited skillset than she should have had, utterly controlled, and cold but with passion and curiosity burning just under the surface. Fire encased in ice.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] You’re home! I need more towels, please. Cici is lambing.  
> [2] I’ll get it for you.  
> [3] Thank you, boy. Welcome home.


	4. Meet the Parents

Red and Kaidan sat, absorbing the warmth of the sun, feeling the prickle of grass against the back of her thighs. A cool breeze rippled through her hair, lacing it with the sweet scent of the flowers dancing above them. When she looked over at him, Alenko was wearing another of those soft smiles like he’d had when she’d been holding the lamb. She wouldn’t call herself an animal person, but the tiny creature had been objectively cute.

“Thank you for this, Kaidan,” she said, realizing she meant it. She’d needed this. She’d needed to get away from the noise and the crowds and reporters. She’d needed a day when she was just a woman, not the goddamn Hero of the fucking Blitz.

“You're welcome. You, uh...” He started to reach out, but stopped and pointed at her ear instead. “You have grass in your hair.”

She bit her lip and plucked the green blade out. A part of her wished he hadn’t aborted the gesture, but she wasn’t surprised that he’d respected her personal space. He was attentive. “Better?”

“Yeah. You have it on your pants, now, too.”

“Gotta love biotics and static,” she said, attempting to brush it off. “You do, too, though.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ve got dirt on my ass as well as grass,” he said with a grin, glancing at the sun. “We'll have enough time to get back to Vancouver before dark if we haul ass. We can stop by my apartment and clean up. We could get dinner if you’d like, though I've probably kept you longer than you wanted to hang out with your boring old teacher.”

“You've never been boring. A hardass at times, but never boring.” She chewed her lip, considering as they walked back to the bike. She was having more fun than she’d had in longer than she could remember. She wasn’t ready for the day to end. “Sure. Why not? Otherwise, I'll just end up back at the hotel. I'll warn you, though, I really can't shake the damn reporters.”

“I can imagine. It must get irritating having people dogging every step.” He held out the helmet to her.

She waved it away. “I just wish they'd let it go. I'm no hero.” She climbed onto the bike, thinking again about that hazy, euphoric period where she’d tested herself against a horde of enemies. If she hadn’t been sandblasted halfway out of her mind, it might have meant something.

“Unfortunately, humanity has romanticized war for as long as we’ve been waging it and we do love our heroes,” he muttered.

She started the bike and walked it around to pull out. “Ready?”

“Oh, yes. Let’s race the wind.” The eagerness in his voice was unmistakable and she grinned.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you.”

“And here I thought it was my winning personality,” he quipped.

She maneuvered the bike back onto the road and felt his long fingers cup her hips again. “You know all the girls ogled your ass, right? I didn't tell you that one,” she teased.

He laughed. “No, I don’t recall hearing that.”

“Remember Stevens? She swore up and down she was going to marry you. Poor Essex. He was heartbroken. He did all that work to teach her a singularity and she only cared that you noticed it.”

“Teachers aren’t supposed to fraternize with students.”

“And with good reason. Don't know why students would want to fraternize with the instructors anyway. Good way to get a reputation for getting ahead on your back.” She paused. “It _is_ a fine example of a derriere, though, LT. If you don't mind me saying so.” Gods, _that ass._ She had said _all_ the girls. She certainly hadn’t been an exception. If he wasn’t such a romantic, she’d be jumping his bones already.

He laughed again. “If you say so, Shepherd. Take this exit and then hang a right to get back into the freeway for the city.”

“I'm still not that eager to get back to civilization. Feels like I've been in a bubble,” she confessed.

“How so?” he asked.

“It was nice...getting away from it all for a while. Your place is...amazing, Kaidan. I can't imagine what it was like growing up there.” She’d tried, but the images wouldn’t form. What would it be like to know where you came from? Who you were? To have your place in the world and be sure of it?

“I only visited on school holidays as a kid, but it does feel like home. Turn down this street, parking garage is on your left.”

She leaned into the turn, using her ass and thigh to kick the back of the bike into it. Kaidan followed suit. She could get used to riding like this. She tamped down a flare of panic at the thought. There was a reason her bike only had one seat. She rode alone, lived alone, and would die alone. She didn’t need a companion, even a cute biotic whose smiles made her stomach flip. She conceded that she might understand why those who didn’t understand the dark underside of it would give in, though.

He helped her walk the bike back into the parking spot he pointed out and she ran her fingers through her hair. It felt like half of it had come out of the tie. “I look a hot mess, don’t I?” she asked.

He grinned as he removed the helmet and ruffled the back of his hair. “You and me both.”

“Helmet hair's a good look on you, Alenko. I don't think I've ever seen it out of place before,” she teased.

He smiled as his eyes scanned the garage. “Well, shit. I’d hoped they would be gone by now.”

“They?” she asked as they walked toward the elevator. She followed him in.

“My parents. Like I said, this is their place. I just stay here when I’m stationed in Vancouver. Better than military housing.” He toggled the elevator to 21st floor.

She tensed, her eyes widening. “Kaidan, I don't do....parents.” She’d never met anyone’s parents before. That was for friendships and relationships. The only mother she’d ever known was Tuco’s mom and any loyalty she might have had to her had been quite literally burned away when she'd found out Lorena had watched the Reds murder her babies. She looked around for an exit. She could always climb through the escape hatch above.

“They might have just parked their car here. They do that sometimes when they need to run errands in town and don’t want to drive. It'll be fine.” She wrapped an arm around herself and tapped her charging heel against the floor, wishing that getting out of here was that simple. He furrowed his brow and studied her. “Kate...relax. There's no pressure here.”

“I'm not a people person. You know that. I don't...What do I say? I've never been around... _parents_. I'm going to embarrass you.”

“Trust me, they are some of the most accepting people in the world. There’s very little that they can’t find _some_ good in.”

“Yeah, but they're your parents. They're _supposed_ to accept you. …Not that that means anything,” she amended, thinking of her own. What kind of parents just abandoned a baby at a damn fire station?

 _“_ If they’re there, just introduce yourself, _be_ yourself, and if you need to stage a tactical retreat, the bathroom is the first door on the right down the hallway.”

She blew air through pursed lips and squared her shoulders. Giving herself a firm nod, she said, “I faced down ten thousand batarians. I can handle two humans.”

“That’s the spirit.” The elevator stopped. He exited and started walking down the hall. When she didn’t follow, he stopped, looking back. “You’re stressing about this.” He hesitated and then shrugged. “‘You can’t do that. I can’t do that. It’s too much—livin’ too many lives. Up ahead they’s a thousan’ lives we might live, but when it comes, it’ll on’y be one. If I go ahead on all of ‘em, it’s too much.’”*

 _Of course he quotes Steinbeck._ She straightened her posture. She could do this. “Aye aye, sir.”

He opened a door to a massive living room. A soft, olive-toned woman with graying dark hair was saying, “--in the world is taking you so long? Come on, honey. We’re going to be late… Kaidan?”

“Hey, Mama.”

“Who’s your friend?” The woman peered around Kaidan and smiled warmly at Kate.

“Hi?” Kate asked, casting around for what he’d said to do. She drew an utter blank.

The woman held out her hand. “Hello. I’m Karen. Nice to meet you.”

She swallowed hard. _It's just a damn handshake, Red. Chill._ She shook the woman’s hand. “Mrs. Alenko, I presume? Lieutenant Shepherd.” There. Professional. She could do that.

Kaidan propped a hip against the back of the couch and a portly, jolly-looking man came out from the hallway, saying, “I know I had it when we came in. I just can’t remember where I set it--. Kaidan, you should have told us you were bringing company.”

Kate thought about running through the door. If she charged, she could be out before this got any more weird. Kaidan’s mother was still giving her that same soft smile Kaidan did. “Yes, but you can just call me Karen or Mrs. Alenko.” Was the elevator still there? “‘Mama’ works, too. All of Kaidan’s friends do.”

Kaidan groaned. “Mama, don’t scare her off.”

Kate gave the woman a half-smile. “Thank you, uh, Mrs. Alenko.” She should go. She should really go.

Karen turned to Kaidan. “You should have told us you were bringing _company_ , baby _._ ”

Oh, gods. They thought she was _that kind_ of company. Like a date. And they sounded surprised enough that she wondered again just how rare it was for him to bring random strangers home. She pressed her lips together and looked at Kaidan, torn between panic and amusement.

Kaidan sighed. “She’s one of my students.”

That was bad. That was very bad. If they thought she was a current student and he’d brought her home…fraternizing with students was a major infraction. He could lose his job. His parents might…well, she didn’t know what they might do, but it would certainly be bad. She cleared her throat. “Former student. Colleague.”

His father said, “Nice to meet you. I’m Kristof Alenko.”

She looked at him, wondering where Kaidan had gotten his height. “It’s, ah, nice to meet you, Mr. Alenko.”

Beside him, Kaidan’s brow furrowed. “ _Former_ student. Sorry. I'm just used to thinking of you as ‘my student.’”

Mr. Alenko beamed at her. “So, are you coming to the party? We’d love to have you. Kaidan’s friends are always welcome.” There it was again. That slight emphasis on ‘friend’.

“Your anniversary? That’s in a few days, right?” She looked to Kaidan for help. A day on the bike was one thing. An anniversary party with his family was too damn much. She needed the hell out of here. She’d been less overwhelmed on Elysium. The three of them seemed to think this was normal. Maybe it was. What did she know?

Kaidan nodded. “Yes.”

“I’m afraid I’m going to be shipping out before then,” she said, fudging the timeline. She would probably still be in town then, but they didn’t need to know that. She tapped her charging heel again.

“Oh, well, deployment is an unavoidable part of the Alliance, isn’t it? Still, sorry you can’t make it.”

“I’m going down to Rio for training, actually.”

Mr. Alenko’s smile widened. “The Villa? Congratulations! That's an honor.” Former military? She knew how to deal with that.

She settled into a loose parade rest. Mr. Alenko, she was comfortable with. “Yes, sir. Thank you. I just received the invitation today.”

“Well, good luck. Just getting invited is an accomplishment.”

Karen plucked a datapad off the table by the door. “You put it right here, Kristof. Come on, let’s leave the kids alone.”

"Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Alenko. Thank you,” she said.

“Love you guys. Have a good night,” Kaidan said.

Karen looked over her shoulder at him. “Oh! Before I forget, Father Thomas asked about you again.”

He groaned. “Mama, I don’t need--”

She stopped and narrowed her eyes at him. “You missed Easter. You will be at Mass on Sunday if I have to drag you by your ear, Kaidan Yuri Alenko.”

Kaidan winced. “Yes, Mother.”

“That’s better. Bring your friend, too.”

“Mama! Go! Please!”

Kate bit her lip to hide a smirk as the door closed behind them. “Was I awful?” She rubbed the inside of her elbow.

“You were fine. Sorry about my mother. She...has some strong feelings about church attendance.” He gestured to the hallway. “Bathroom's over there if you need to use it.”

“She seems...like a mom.” Protective, inquisitive, and looked like every fantasy mother Kate had ever pictured. If the woman didn’t bake cookies and cakes, she’d be shocked. She went to the bathroom and washed her hands, splashing water over her face. She paused a moment to brace her hands on the sink and center herself before straightening her hair and exiting the bathroom.

“I got lucky with her,” Kaidan said when she came back out.

She wandered around, gaping at the apartment. She felt a little freaked and a little jealous. The closest thing she’d ever had to a mother had been a junkie. His life was disturbingly normal. They had nothing in common.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "Grapes of Wrath" John Steinbeck


	5. Cricket

He came out of the bathroom. “Where would you like to go?”

She shrugged. “Your turf. You pick.”

“What do you feel like? Dinner, a bar, a nightclub?”

That was safer. “I wouldn't say no to a nightclub. I don't think I'm going to have many opportunities to let loose over the next few months and I don't really know anyone...here. Do you mind if we take a cab, though? I don’t drink and drive the bike. I can pick it up from here in the morning if you’re okay with me leaving it.”

He nodded. “That wouldn’t be a problem, but we can walk. There’s a place just up the street.” He locked the door behind them and held the elevator for her.

She followed him in. “Oh. By the way, for the record. The uh, clarification about colleagues versus student/instructor? I wasn't trying to make you uncomfortable. I didn't want them to think you were breaking the rules.” She looked around the elevator, imagining one of them pinned against the wall.

“They know me better than that, but I appreciate the thought.” He directed her out of the elevator when it reached the ground and walked down the street, pointing out the club. “This is where I usually go.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” she said, cocking her head at him. He didn’t just have a family. He had a healthy one. She wondered if he knew how lucky he was. “That kind of security must be comforting,” she mused.

“It is. They’ve supported me through some bad times,” he said. She glanced down at her fingers, wondering if his definition of bad times could in any way compare to hers. “What’re you drinking?” he asked as they walked into the crowded bar.

“Jameson. You?”

“Good choice. Shot or bottle?”

“Have them leave the bottle if you don't mind. Takes a lot to get me even buzzed.”

“The joys of being biotic, right? Should they just bring out a case?” he teased.

“If I'm going for utterly wasted, it takes ryncol. I think I'll go for a little less 'Did we exist last night' and a little more 'Damn, that was fun,’” she said with a wink.

“All right. A bottle apiece,” he said, swiping his credit chit.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she protested.

“You got lunch.” He took a pair of bottles and glasses from the bartender and carried them to a table. She slid into the booth and watched him pour. “To N-school.” He passed her a glass and toasted her.

“Thanks, LT.” She tossed back her shot and poured another, at a loss for what to do next. She’d only ever drank alone in a dark corner booth. This was too exposed. It made her spine itch.

“I feel old,” he said with a grin. “You were little more than a kid straight out of OCS and now you’re going to ICT.”

“Yeah, well. Here’s to feeling _young_ , LT,” she said.

“ _Young_. What’s that?” he asked with a grin.

“In Kahje years, you’re only…twenty-one, I think,” she said, running the calculation in her head. “If I’m doing my math right.” Kahje years were longer than Terran ones.

“Measuring me in hanar years now, Shepherd?” he smirked.

“Drell, actually,” she said.

“A drell year, huh?” he said, pouring another shot for them both. At this rate, the bottles would be empty in a few minutes.

“It’s all in your perspective,” she said, taking the drink. He followed suit, carefully replacing the glass on the table. “You got this?”

“It’s been awhile since I’ve really gone out drinking,” he said.

“You can take your time, y'know. We do have all night and I'd rather my drinking partner stay upright through _most_ of it.” The liquor was beginning to send its warm buzz through her. She rolled her head on her shoulders, enjoying the sensation.

“I’ll be fine. Do you play darts, Shepherd?” he asked, his eyes lighting as they caught on the board in the corner.

“Do I play darts?” she scoffed. “I am the queen of darts.”

He slid out of the booth and offered her his hand. “Oh, really? That sounds like a challenge. Come on, then, _your majesty_. Show me how it’s done.”

She raised a brow at him. That was so...normal. Like she was just a girl and he was just a guy. In a bar. With drinks. If only it was that simple. But why shouldn’t it be? They weren’t in uniform. They didn’t really know each other. Why _shouldn’t_ she get a chance at normal like everyone else? It wasn’t her fault her life had been shit. She should be able to sit in a bar with a cute guy and flirt and maybe take him home. And maybe someday she’d find someone who could just be normal with her. Maybe it could be him. And maybe she was a little drunker than she’d realized. It was just a damn game.

She followed him to the dart board and watched him set up the electronic scoreboard. The darts provided weren’t as good as the ones she had in her shore bag for things like this, but they would do. She’d discovered that she could learn a lot about a person by the way they approached a dartboard, so she passed the darts to him and settled back against the railing to observe.

“You’re still trying to figure me out, aren’t you?” he asked without looking at her as he lined up his shot. Despite the question, he was focused, his eyes traveling over the board, choosing his target. He drew the dart back with a controlled motion and _threw_. The dart flew, sinking into the board on the double fifteen line. Controlled, methodical, aggressive. She’d expected no less.

“You’re an enigma, Kaidan,” she said, watching him bring the second dart up.

“Report, then. What else have you figured out?”   

 _Mmph_. “I ever tell you you’re hot when you’re bossy?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest as she tried to figure him out. He’d let her meet his parents. That was terrifying enough that if she wasn’t already decently buzzed, she’d bolt. But she was buzzed and maybe it was about damn time that she got to make a mistake that wouldn’t cost anything but her pride. If _he_ didn’t bolt with a little bit of information about her, maybe there was a chance. “I already told you about you. There was one person in class I missed in my reports, though.”

He quirked an eyebrow, letting the dart fly and closing out the fifteens. “You reported in on all of your classmates.”

“‘All my classmates’ wasn’t the entire class, though, was it? Shepherd, Katherine R.” She took another shot, staring him down. “Your turn, LT. You brief me. You’ve been trying to figure me out, too. Let’s see how you’ve done.”

The corner of his mouth turned up in a smile. “Okay.” He buried the third dart in the double seventeen and she marked his score before taking his place.

“You told me you're from Chicago. But I’m guessing that you didn’t exactly have the greatest home life. You treated your food at chow like you half-expected someone to come take it from you, which makes me believe you weren’t used to having enough. You’ve made comments that I take to mean you have no family, living at least. Your almost obsessive dedication to cleanliness within your space generally speaks either to habit or to growing up in squalor. And your impulse when someone surprises you is to attack, but your automatic response is a street-fighting style, not military CQC. Thus, my theory is that you grew up on the streets.”

She took her shot, hitting in the triple twenty. Trust him to cut straight to the heart of things. _No one_ had ever guessed her history before, though. He was more astute than she’d given him credit for. “Next.”

“That detached and analytical manner you had class never went away. You simply learned to hide it better.”

Damn right, she did. She’d thought. And then he’d come along and seen through it. She moved to the eighteens, hitting a double. “Next.”

He nodded to himself. “It’s served you well, but I think it’s masking something.”

“You’ll have to be more specific than that, LT,” she said, closing out the eighteens.

He marked down her score and wrapped a hand around the darts, his fingers brushing hers and his eyes boring into her. “I don’t know yet,” he said softly. “I’d say fear, but I don’t think you’re afraid of anything the Alliance is going to throw at you. Getting hurt, maybe. Failing, possibly. No...I think you’re afraid of yourself.”

“Now, why would I be afraid of that?” she asked flatly, her voice barely above a whisper. The textured metal of the darts bit into her fingertips.

“Because your confidence says you know exactly what you’re capable of,” he said. “And control that tight means you aren’t willing to let it happen again.”

“That sounds like experience, LT,” she prodded.

He blinked, the intensity fading as quickly as it had come on. “Maybe I just see a bit of myself in you.”

She wrapped a hand around his neck, drawing his head down. Their mouths collided, tongues sliding together, as his arm banded around her waist. He groaned, backing her up against the wall and sliding a hand into her hair. The pounding bass of the music around them matched the beat of his heart against her chest, but his hand was gentle where it cupped her head, his thumb stroking her cheekbone.

She slid her hand up around his neck and threaded her fingers through his silky hair, releasing the darts to slide the other around his waist and tug gently at his belt loops. His thigh slid between hers, pressing her back into the hard wall behind her and drawing heat to her core. He drew away, his eyes searching hers.

“We should probably get out of here,” he said, his husky voice slightly breathless.

“Your place?” she suggested. This was alright. This was familiar. She knew how to play this game. Lust was something she understood. The flutter in her chest when he fixed those golden eyes on her was not.

“Should have it to ourselves,” he said, releasing her and stepping back.

“Perfect,” she smiled.


	6. Fairy Tales

Kate stepped past him, letting her hands drift along his body before turning away. He caught her hand and followed. She looked down at their joined hands, trying to remember if anyone who wasn’t a child had ever done that before. He stroked his thumb across her wrists, making her breath catch. She wondered what he was going to think about the tattoos there. Her chest tightened, but she wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or anticipation.

“This is crazy, isn’t it?” he asked.

She blew her bangs out of her face. “Yeah,” she agreed. “Who’d have thought?” She got him on the sidewalk and pulled him close again, running her lips across his jaw. “Stevens would be _so_ jealous.”

He hummed against her skin, wrapping an arm around her waist. “I never liked Stevens.”

“Lucky me.” She ran her hand down his chest, toying with his belt loops again.

He pulled her along the street and into the apartment building, striding quickly toward the elevator. She dragged him into it. “Why couldn’t you have picked a lower floor?” she lamented.

The door closed and he abruptly backed her into the wall, leaning down to kiss her thoroughly. She gasped in surprise, bringing her hands up around his neck and burying them in his hair to hold him to her. “But then I couldn’t do this,” he murmured, trailing his lips down her throat to lightly suck over her pulse.

“Why was I complaining, again?” Her head fell back and she tugged his shirt up, sliding her hands up his abdomen.

His abs tightened under her fingers. “No clue.” She rose on tiptoe to kiss him again. Her hands slid around to splay over his back, pulling him to her. He groaned and drew her against him. “Elevator’s stopped.”

About damn time. She used her body to drive him backwards into the hall. He let her guide him down the corridor to his apartment. He reached for the door before she pushed him into the wall, pressing her body into his. She rolled her hips against his, her hands sliding down to grab his ass. He fell into the open door, tipsily pulling her with him. She followed, ignoring the table and couch they banged off of in their rush. She shrugged out of her jacket, letting it fall to the floor, and pushed his shirt over his head.

She looped her arms around his neck. “Take me to bed, K.”

He slid his hands under her ass and hoisted her up, quirking an eyebrow at her. “‘K’, hmm?”

Kate rolled her lips between her teeth and glanced away. Her cheeks flushed. She’d bet it made her freckles stand out the way they did when she got overheated. “Oh, you know. Shep. K. Whatever. I can...not. Call you that. I mean.” She snapped her mouth shut with a click of her teeth. What was it about this guy? He turned her into a blathering schoolgirl. She’d _never_ been a blathering school girl.

“Think I kinda like it.” He walked down the hallway, fingers digging lightly into her thighs and kissing her neck.

She bit her lip and allowed him to carry her into his bedroom, running her fingers over his collarbone. He popped the top button on her pants and slid her down his body to the floor. Her heart began to pound. She ran her hands over his warm shoulders and buried them in his hair again. He slowly undid the rest of her pants, tugging them down. His hands slid up under her shirt, pulling it up. Kate sucked in a breath, running her hands over his spine. He would see her wrists, among other things. Her history was inked onto her body. She’d never had to consider them before. Strangers were welcome to wonder all they wanted. They could fuck off. Their opinion didn’t matter to her and she wouldn’t answer their questions even if they asked. His, on the other hand, did. He already saw too much.

 _He hasn’t run yet. Maybe he won’t_ , a little, hopeful voice whispered.

 _Hush, grasshopper,_ she admonished. The girl always had been more optimistic than Red was. It used to hurt when Abby would speak in her mind, but the little voice had faded in direct opposition to Kate’s rising cynicism. She’d missed it. _What the hell. Maybe you’re right. Impulsive vanguard moment._

She raised her arms so he could draw her shirt over her head, turning her wrists so that he wouldn’t see. The rest could be explained away. There was little she could say to deny the dashed lines that ran down her veins, ‘Cut Here’ paralleling them, each with miniature scissors bracketing the words. What could she say? She’d been in a dark place. When she looked at them with purpose, her morbid sense of humor would take over and she put down the razor. Whatever worked, right? She also didn’t want to answer questions about Abby’s grasshopper or Gabe’s music note decorating the pulse point of each wrist. Those were for her. There was a reason she always wore long sleeves.

His hot gaze slid over her. “Perfect,” he murmured, running a hand down her chest. Her throat closed. He wrapped his hands over her hips and she forced herself to focus on their actions rather than the appreciation in his gaze when he looked at her. “Careful. The phoenix is new. It's still a little tender.”

“Did you get it today?” he asked, running a fingertip just under it, trailing goosebumps after its heat.

She grinned. “I'd just left the parlor when I ran into you and now I'm wondering if you have any.”

He chuckled darkly, his fingers ghosting around to trace the tattoo on her side. She’d had the Reds symbol tattooed over her ribs shortly before she’d met Thane. After she’d killed them all, she’d covered it in flames. “Guess you'll just have to wait and see.”

“You're overdressed, LT.” Her fingers trailed down his chest, popping the buttons on his shirt. She pushed it over his shoulders and he let it fall, his raptorial gaze never leaving her. Her hands dipped below the hem of his undershirt and the corner of his mouth quirked. She raised a brow as she lifted the fabric and her breath caught. Trailing from his left hip across his flat waist and up his torso almost to his right nipple--his _pierced_ nipples, she noted with another raised brow--was a cherry tree in bloom. “Oh, wow,” she breathed. “That’s gorgeous.”

“Glad you like it,” he said, bending down to kiss her again.

Her fingertip flicked gently over his nipple, causing him to suck in a quick breath. “Wouldn’t have expected _that_ under your uniform, either,” she murmured against his lips.

She gently pushed his shoulders and he let her move him onto the bed where he stretched out, watching her. She straddled him, leaning down to kiss him. Her hair fell like a curtain of fire around them. She ran her hands down his muscular chest, pausing to drag her thumbs over his nipples again before moving down to play through the hair below his navel. He ghosted his hands up her arms, his breath hitching in his chest. She kissed her way down his torso, opening his belt and thumbing the button of his pants open. She tugged playfully and grinned up at him. “Off. Please.”

He gave her a half grin and lifted his hips up, wiggling out of his jeans and underwear. The slim tree continued down over the side of his hip where it divided into thin roots. He rolled when she pressed her fingertips against it, allowing her to get a look at the anatomical heart wrapped in the center of the roots as if they were protecting it. “Home’s where the heart is. That’s what they say, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is,” he said, looking over his shoulder at her. She traced a line with her fingertip.

“You know that put a heart on your ass, right?” she asked with a grin.

“It’s my hip,” he protested.

She splayed her hand over it and squeezed, cupping his lush ass in her hands. Damn, but he was hot. How many times had she fantasized about exactly this during biotics school? “That’s your ass.”

She bent down, running her hands over his muscular thighs, and licked down the inside of his thigh to the back of his knee. He moved to give her room and she pictured licking her way back up and taking him into her mouth. _Not yet_. Slowly, she ran her hands down the back of his calves and over the chain with a broken link that circled his ankle. She moved back up, following the narrow trail of the tree trunk. His abdomen tightened and his hands fisted in the sheets.

He tugged her up to sit on his stomach. She went with him, biting her lip, and traced his clavicle with her fingertips. “I told you that you have the most fantastic ass this side of the Traverse,” she informed him, bringing her hands down to circle her thumbs over his hip bones. He slid his hands up her torso and moved to her back, tracing the band of her bra.

He tugged her forward for a kiss. “I think you’re biased.”

She dragged his lower lip between her teeth, nibbling gently. Kaidan rolled hips against hers, kissing her deeply. She groaned against his mouth, rocking herself against him. He cupped her rear, moving her on him. “Condoms are in the nightstand.”

Kate leaned forward, feeling his breath against her belly, and fumbled in the drawer for a condom. She had one, of course, but it was in her jacket in the living room. He kissed a line along her stomach to her hips as she leaned over him. Her breath caught and she looked down to find him gazing up at her, his golden eyes glittering in the darkness. She slinked back until she was hovering over him on hands and knees and opened the condom packet with her teeth. “May I?”

“I don’t see why not.”

She slowly rolled the condom down his hard length, savoring the feel of it against her palm. She was suddenly nervous enough that she could have been losing her virginity all over again. Or, what it might have been had she not sold it to a turian who’d at least had the grace to be gentle when he fucked her. Kaidan didn't _fuck_ , she realized. He made love. She'd never done that before. She knew it was different, but now how or what to do not to ruin it. A part of her screamed to run. Another part begged her to stay, to get the experience at least once in her life. She’d be gone tomorrow. It wouldn’t matter.

He tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, then cupped the back of her neck, drawing her down for a kiss. She came down to meet him, nestling him at her entrance. She drew a fingertip down the side of his face, examining the warm sensation in her chest with a frisson of fear. He covered her hand with his, wrapping them around him to position himself. She lowered herself onto him, moving slowly to adjust to him. He arched up into her, moving his hands to her hips. “ _Ohhh,_ fuck _...._ ”

She sighed softly. This was a day of firsts and he’d given her so many already. If she trusted anyone but Thane to let go with, it was him. She braced her hands on his torso, moving slowly, sinking and rising with him. She allowed her eyes to close as she exhaled a shuddering breath. Her head fell back, a little smile toying at the corner of her lips. He cupped his hands around her waist and helped stabilize her while she moved. His hips rose to meet her motion as he gave a breathless moan.

She rolled her hips, taking him deeper as a song began to play in her head. _“I wasn't always this way. I used to be the one with the halo. That disappeared when I had my first taste and fell from grace. It left me in this place.”*_  If only she was just a girl and he really was just a guy. What could she have been if she’d had a history like his, a home, a family? If the Reds hadn’t burned what little softness she’d had away? Could she have had a man like this to come home to and make love to in the evenings rather than a series of partners she never even saw morning with?

Kaidan groaned, arching into her again, holding her tight against him. He followed her motion like he did on the bike, rolling his hips with hers. She let her hands fall open, palms up, alongside her thighs, forgetting to hide herself from him. She allowed herself to forget who she was and who she’d been.

She imagined a world where she’d been loved, one where her parents had embraced her in spite of her biotic potential, a world where Chicago’s streets had been a place to play rather than to fight for survival. She might have gone to a real school, earned the degree that had gotten her commission without a lie. Perhaps they’d have even met the way they had, connected over shared experiences rather than first times, and come to bed tonight after dinner with his family rather than drinks in a club. Maybe then she could have loved him rather than heedlessly playing with his heart in order to remember what it felt like when hers could beat.

It startled her when his hands slid up her spine and pulled her to him, bringing their chests together while he rolled them over. Ambient light from outside the window caught his eyes and made them glow in the dark like honey against velvet.

“Getting close, Kate,” he breathed, cupping her cheek and brushing his thumb delicately over her skin.

She swallowed past the lump that formed in her throat and brought her fingers up to trail through the hair over his ear before drawing him down for a slow, deep kiss. This was nothing at all like what she'd expected. Tender touches and caresses were for fairy tales, not for real life. Kaidan sank into the kiss and moaned against her lips. She drew her knees up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Fairy tales _were_ a nice escape from reality....  

His breath quickened against her ear, hands clutching at her hips and lifting her against him. He nipped her ear and gave it a quick kiss before a shudder went through him. She gasped and felt dark energy flicker against her skin. His barrier flared in response, whispering against hers. Comforting. Familiar. Something she’d never thought she would experience in this way. “ _Kaidan_ ,” she breathed, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she arched into him.

“Oh, my fucking _god,_ ” he groaned, voice breathless and deep enough she could feel it resonating in her very core. Another shudder went through him as his motion started losing its steady rhythm.

“Goddess of _oceans_ ,” she gasped, clinging to him as she tightened around him. She buried her face in his neck and trembled. Their biotics hummed and crackled against each other. His washed over hers like the ocean tide and she let herself be carried out to sea on the waves. Kaidan rested his forehead on the pillow next to her a moment, panting softly before rolling off her and tucking himself behind her. It was a little daunting how well she fit in his arms. Fucking fairy tales.

She could pretend, though. Just this once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "I'm Not An Angel" by Halestorm


	7. 'Normal' Is a Setting on a Dryer

She woke cocooned in warmth and a comforting weight. Kaidan’s breath stirred her hair, his chest rising and falling evenly. She stiffened in his arms, realizing that she’d fallen asleep when she’d planned to at least move to the couch, if not leave altogether. She’d been so comfortable, though, that she’d continued to tell herself she’d move in a few minutes. A few minutes had apparently turned into all night. She could leave now and he would be none the wiser.

The sun was just beginning to filter through the windows, lining the room in a dim, hazy light. She’d grown accustomed to waking early in the military, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed it. She was _not_ a morning person. This particular morning, however, she was relaxed--or would be if her body would cooperate--and the flutter in her chest felt more like anticipation than panic. Her limbs released from their locked position and she allowed herself to sink deeper into the novel sensation of being held in the semi-dark.

She had rules for a reason and yet he was breaking through all of them. If she slept with him again, she was screwed. _One and done_. Don’t get to know them. Names don’t matter. Don’t hang out. Don’t stay the night. Don’t let emotion enter into it. She used her partners for the release they provided. That was it. It had always been easy for her before. Sex meant nothing to her on its own. She’d lost count of the number of sexual partners she’d had before she’d been old enough to drive. She hadn’t had sex for herself rather than to pay the bills until she’d been in her late teens. She had never slept in the bed with a man. It was...deliciously normal. _Dryer setting, Kate. No such thing._

Why fight it, though? Why _not_ allow herself to experience it? Satisfy her curiosity. She’d already broken her rules. What were a few more? It was only a few days and then they’d both be gone. She probably wouldn’t see him again. People indulged in shore-leave flings all the time with no repercussions. She wouldn’t get attached. She’d just see what it was like to be normal with someone for a little while. She doubted she’d be getting any at ICT, so she might as well get her kicks in where she could. _Besides_ , she thought, looking over her shoulder at her sleeping bed companion. _He’s seriously fucking hot._

She was awake now, so she slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb him, and went in search of her clothing. She grabbed the first shirt she saw and shrugged it on, buttoning it before she found her own in a heap. She smiled to herself and carried it with her as she padded out into the living room on bare feet. She’d change later. His was comfortable and she was already wearing it. The view of the bay through the windows called out to her, so she stopped in the kitchen long enough to find the supplies for a cup of coffee and make it. While it brewed, she fetched her cigarette pack from her jacket, laying the garment over the back of the dove gray sofa with the rest of her clothing.

The coffee finished, so she poured a mug and carried both out onto the deck to look out at the bay. The surface of the balcony was cool against her feet and the air ghosted chilly fingertips along the bare skin of her legs. The morning sun sparkled off the water, reminding her of mornings on Lake Michigan. She tapped a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, breathing the smoke deep into her lungs. It mingled with the steam rising from her cup.

“Good mornin’...” an amused, sleep-gruff said behind her. She whipped around and saw him leaning against the open doorjamb, pajama pants riding low enough that she could see the uppermost curve of the roots curling over his hip.  

Kate looked him up and down with open appreciation, wetting her lips and tugging at the hem of his shirt. “Morning. I, uh, couldn’t find my shirt. Didn’t want to wake you. Did you want coffee? I can make some coffee. Or maybe I should go…” She raked a hand through her messy hair. This was why she didn’t do mornings after. She didn’t have a clue what she was supposed to do here. Who knew being normal could be so _hard_?

He chuckled and ruffled the back of his hair with his hand, glancing away, suddenly shy. “Or you could stay and we could have breakfast together.” Those hawkish eyes locked onto hers again as he nibbled his lower lip. _Damn it_.

Her eyes drifted over him again, trailing over the deep pink blooms decorating his torso. _One and done, Kate. One and...fuck it._ He’d fucking thrown her off again. “I certainly wouldn’t want to be rude, but...not hungry for breakfast at the moment.”

Kaidan straightened with a smirk. “Food first. Coffee and a cigarette is not breakfast, especially not for a biotic.” He made his way back inside, leaving her to follow.

She sighed and flicked the cigarette butt off the balcony, watching it twist in the breeze as it fell. He certainly seemed open to a repeat performance...but was that really wise? _One and fucking done, Kate_. Yeah. She’d keep telling herself that. Maybe she’d believe it. She followed him back into the apartment, bypassing the living room and kitchen in favor of the bathroom. Reeking of smoke was probably not the way to get his attention...at least, not in a positive way. She washed her hands in the sink and rummaged through the cabinet in search of mouthwash. Gods bless his mother. Not only was there mouthwash, there were spare toothbrushes and toothpaste as well.

When she’d done all she could to return herself to some semblance of respectability, _Ha!_ , she returned to the kitchen where Kaidan was pulling out a toaster and setting it up on the counter. A pan was already heating up on the stovetop, a carton of eggs beside it.

“How do you take your eggs?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder at her.

She fought down the roil in her stomach and the flash of memory that it brought with it. She hadn’t eaten eggs since the day she’d found the kids’ bodies. “I’m sorry. I don’t...eat eggs.”

“Okay,” he replied nonchalantly. “French toast?” He cast his gaze over the counters, settling on the loaf of bread. Of course it looked homemade rather than the typical machine-sliced bread in a bag from the commissary.   

“Yeah. That’s fine. Just not eggs on their own. It’s a...thing.” She rubbed the knot of scar tissue between her fingers and looked away. _Don’t think about it._

He nodded, dredging a slice of the thick bread and putting it in the sizzling pan. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Kate. You either like them or you don’t. Simple as that.”

 _Simple as that_.

 _Cute idea_.

It was too early in the goddamn morning for this. Her brain couldn’t function yet. Coffee. She needed more coffee. She moved around the island, skirting around him and trying not to get in his way as she reached for the pot on the brewer.

“Make me one, too, please,” he said, doing a double-take at her over his shoulder. So his t-shirt just happened to not cover her bare ass completely when she reached for another mug. Sue her. Payback was a real bitch. Flashing that tattoo again was _not_ conducive to...whatever she was trying to do. _One and done, Red, one and done..._

She poured steaming coffee into both mugs, wondering if he took his the same way she did hers. _Black and bitter...like my soul_. He pulled another piece of french toast off the pan and replaced it with a new one. She left the mugs on the counter and went to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind. That’s what ‘normal’ people did, wasn’t it? She’d seen it in a vid once. It seemed appropriate. Her lips brushed over his spine. Goosebumps sprinkled across his skin under her lips, sending a little zing of triumph from her stomach outwards at the reaction she caused.  

He pulled the last piece of french toast from the pan and added it to the stack. “Take what you want. Do you want maple syrup? Powdered sugar? I think we have some.”

He turned around, absently dropping a kiss on her forehead before reaching above her and bringing down a bottle of syrup. She placed a hand on his chest and looked up at him with an amused smirk. “Showoff _._ ” Damn, she was _rockin’_ this ‘normal’ thing. One would think she’d actually experienced it before.

He snorted, biting his lower lip to hide a smile. He placed the bottle of the golden brown syrup on the island next to the stack of french toast. He grinned at her and braced his hands on the counter on either side of her. “I think you’re trying to distract me.”  

The bastard had the _nerve_ to wink at her before shoving himself back off the counter and fixing a plate of french toast, drizzling the maple syrup in artful lines before carrying the plates to the table. Because _of course_ he did.  Looked like it was out of a Susie-homemaker magazine when he was done. _He_ was the one who rocked this ‘normal’ thing.

“Maybe I am, Alenko,” she said with a grin. “How do you like your coffee?”

“A little bit of cream and sugar, please. No motor oil for me.”

Kate poured a dollop of creamer into the cup and followed with two spoonfuls of sugar and brought it to him. “That good?”

He took a sip and grimaced. “Did you mean to make sludge?”

She grinned. “I like to chew my coffee. Too weak otherwise. Too much DFAC coffee. Pretty sure they make that stuff out of old engine oil and battery acid. I’ve acclimated.”

“Not quite the image I wanted of you in my shirt, but okay,” he smirked.

She leaned back in the chair with a grin, “So...what image _did_ you want of me in your shirt?”

His honeyed gaze took on a mischievous spark. “Well, the one of you reaching for a mug? That’s one to remember.”  

“Oh? Well, glad you liked it, considering I’ve been eyeing you all morning.”

“Have you really?”

She scooted her breakfast stool closer to him, gazing up at him through her eyelashes.  “Absolutely.” She reached up and brushed her thumb over a drop of maple syrup clinging to his lip. Eyes glittering with challenge, she offered it to him. Surely, he couldn’t mistake _that_ invitation.

“The question is _now_ what do you see happening next.” The tip of his tongue slipped out to lick the drop of syrup from the pad of her thumb before his teeth grazed lightly over it.

She bit her lip as heat flashed through her middle. _Holy fuck, he’s sex on two legs.  He shouldn’t get to be the perfect teacher and a perfect fucking gentleman with a perfect fucking body. That man should not be allowed in public...or clothing...ever._ Well, two could play at this game and it was one she was sure she had far more experience with. She slipped out of her chair and closed the space between them without taking her eyes off his. Catching the hem of her shirt between her fingers, she hitched it up just enough to hint without revealing, and settled herself astride his lap. Her hands splayed over his warm, broad chest before sliding up to his shoulders.

“I think we both know what happens next,” she whispered, stretching up to gently catch his lip between her teeth and lick the last of the sweetness from his skin.

“You think so?”  Kaidan slipped a hand beneath the hem of the shirt and rested it on her hip. He kissed a line along her jaw, following her neck down as she tilted her head back. “You sound sure of yourself.” They stood and he tugged gently on her hip, drawing her to him as he moved backwards. She shook her head with a small laugh, pulling him back towards her and towards the couch.

“Don’t need to go that far,” she murmured, fumbling for her jacket. The foil packet was tucked in the pocket where she knew it’d been. Perfect. She gave him a playful shove and he tumbled backwards onto the couch, light from the windows catching his eyes and making them sparkle. Goosebumps trailed after the corner of the wrapper as she dragged it down his chest. He gave a sharp little inhale and bit his lower lip, watching her.

She leaned in and kissed him leisurely before crawling into his lap again. Her lips and tongue followed the tendon on the side of his neck. His head tipped to the side, allowing her to continue as his hands came to rest on her hips again. She stroked her fingers down his chest, palms up, before lightly brushing her thumbs over his nipples, flicking the beads of his piercings. His chest heaved under her hands, his back arching.  She drank in the sight, marveling at the reaction she got.

This had potential.

“Eyes on me, soldier…” she said, voice low. Her hand ghosted back up his skin, reversing the way she had taken with the condom and lightly ran her nails up his throat before firmly taking hold of his jaw and rolling his head forward again. The look of surprise on his face was quickly overtaken by heat. She released his jaw and dropped her hands to his hips, stroking the point of the bone. “Off,” she ordered.

“Oh,” he said, dropping his voice and shaking his head with a grin. “Oh, no, you don’t.”

She gasped as the room flipped and her back hit the soft fabric of the couch. He stared down at her with a triumphant smile and trailed his finger down the line of her throat. His eyes remained on hers as he slowly popped the first button on her borrowed shirt and then the second and the third. She dragged her lip through her teeth, looking up at him. She hadn’t expected him to take control, but she certainly wasn’t complaining. He finally looked down at her when the fabric fully parted, his hand glowing blue as he trailed a line of sparks down her sternum to her belly. Her body moved into his touch on its own accord, seeking out more contact.

“I don’t think I had the opportunity to demonstrate exercises to promote fine control,” he said softly.

“No, you didn’t,” she said, watching his glowing hand slide up to cup her breast.

His nose trailed up the side of her jaw, his lips pressing just below her ear. “There’s certainly something to be said for brute force, to be sure. But _precision_ and _finesse_ are just as vital to your success.” His thumb brushed over her nipple, sending heat racing to her belly. _Fuck_. She wanted him. _Now_. She wrapped her legs around his waist, trying to regain control and draw him closer.

He resisted, holding himself away from her as he slid a hand around to cup the back of her head as he kissed her gently, nipping her lower lip and flicking his tongue against it. She groaned, her tongue sliding past his lips, and raked her fingernails up his chest again. This time, though, he broke the kiss, trapping her hands against his chest and pressing her into the couch as he molded himself to her. Her hips rocked, sliding herself against him and then the room spun around again as he deftly flipped her onto her knees.

“Oh, gods, yes,” she gasped, arching her back to press into him and tipping her head aside to grant access to his mouth. His morning stubble scraped gently over her skin, drawing a hissing breath from her before his tongue soothed the slight sting.

A calloused finger slid over her center, teasing her entrance before pressing into her. She dropped her head to the armrest of the couch, moaning softly as she moved with his hand. The faint tingle of biotics brought her swiftly to the edge and he chuckled darkly when she began to writhe beneath him, seeking more.

“I need you,” she breathed. “Fuck, Kaidan….”

The air was cool against her overheated skin as he sat back, but the familiar rip of foil assured her that she would get what she wanted and soon. She twisted around, watching carefully as he rolled the condom onto his thick length, and wrapped a hand around him, checking it under the pretense of stroking him. He groaned, his head falling back for a moment and his hips thrusting into her hand, before curling his fingers over her shoulder and turning her to face the couch again.

His tip circled her entrance before he thrust forward, pushing inside her. She moaned against the arm of the couch and brought a hand back to squeeze his ass, tugging him deeper inside her. He kissed a line across her shoulder as he began to move, thrusting into her hard and fast. An arm slid around her, his hand covering her breast. His teeth grazed lightly over her shoulder and she gasped, her hips jerking back into his. His answering moan vibrated in his chest and his biotics washed over her, warm and secure.

She’d been wrong before. Kaidan might be able to make love, but hot damn, he could fuck, too. Could he get any more fucking _perfect_? He drove into her, his fingers sure and firm on her nipple, his tongue trailing heat up the side of her neck. She bowed into him, crying out as he dragged himself over her front wall, the motion enough to send her tumbling over the edge. He groaned against her skin, burying himself in her, trembling against her back.

“Holy _fuck_...” she said, breathless. She turned her head and captured his mouth with hers, burying a hand in his hair and holding him close. Her breath still came in heavy gasps and a single, feral thought burned through her mind. _MINE_. She didn’t care to examine it. She could look at it later, once she was away from him.

“Agreed.” He wrapped his arms around her and drew her back to his chest. “It wasn’t too hard?” he asked, burying his nose in the top of her hair, sighing deeply.

“No. You just keep surprising me, Kaidan,” she said, softening her touch and running her fingers through his thick hair. “That was...amazing. I didn’t expect you to take over like that. I liked it.”

He chuckled at that and shifted his weight to the side. “I was hoping it wouldn’t freak you out. I would have stopped if you asked.”

“It was just right,” she said. She pressed her lips to his jaw for a moment.

A small chirp sounded beneath her and he grunted, shifting further to free his arm. The air was cooler against her skin than she wanted and she pressed closer. “That’s not good.”

“What?” she asked, tipping her head back to look at him. His brow was furrowed as his eyes skimmed the orange glow of his omni-tool.

“Jaime fell from one of the trees. I need to go meet them at the hospital, make sure he’s okay. I’m sorry to cut this short. I promise I’m not trying to run you out.”

“It’s fine. I’ve got another fucking PR thing this afternoon anyway. I need to get cleaned up and review my notes before getting thrown to the wolves again.” She slipped out from beneath him, letting her fingers roam down his spine to his hips, and sat up so that she could reach the clothing on the back of the couch. “I cannot wait until this Blitz shit blows over.”

“Shower’s open if you want it,” he said absently, tapping at the screen as she tugged her clothing on. “Oh, and I’m pretty sure my parents expect to see you at the party. You’re welcome to come, but don’t feel obligated. I’m just glad we got to catch up again.” He closed out his omni-tool and she leaned in, dropping a kiss on his cheek. He blinked, a soft smile forming on his face. “What was that for?”

“What? I can't kiss you unless I'm planning to jump your bones?” she teased. “As far as the party...let me think about it, okay? Family stuff, as you may have figured out, isn't exactly my forte. Never had one. Don't know how to act around them. But...I'll think about it. When is it?”

“Friends don’t kiss friends.”

Her stomach twisted. Kaidan’s response was just as mild as his shrug, but there was... _something_. She didn’t want to think too hard about the suggestion hiding behind his eyes.

She liked him. She respected him. And that frisson of possession still lingered, burrowing deeper. She didn’t know what they were. Didn’t particularly care to try to label it. But if she blew him off now, the answer would be ‘nothing’ and she didn't think she wanted that just yet. So, she said softly, “You’re more than just sex, Kaidan, and even that’s a lot for me. Can we leave it at that?”

“Sure. I think that’s enough for right now.”

She fought down the rising tide of panic the qualification brought with them. She’d _known_ he would want more than she could give. _I’ll destroy you. I’m going to hurt you. It’s what I do. I break things._ He made her feel better than anything had in a long time, though, and she was selfish enough not to want to let that go yet, so she rose onto tiptoe and simply kissed him again. “When’s the party?”

“Tomorrow afternoon, around 1700. It’s just family, nothing huge.”  

Yeah, she wasn’t doing that. No way. Just family? Not a chance in hell. That would be a _girlfriend_ thing to do and she needed to make it clear without hurting him that ‘girlfriend’ wasn’t in the cards. If he’d said friends and family, maybe, but...no. It was time to go. She let her hands trail down to his fingers as she stepped back and held them there for a moment. Missing the party didn’t necessarily mean she couldn’t see him again, though…. He was hers. _Just for shore leave._ “If you find yourself at loose ends later, you can always come save me from reporters again,” she offered with a grin.

“We’ll see how it goes at the hospital, but maybe I can ride to the rescue. Do you want me to walk you out?”

She grinned, thinking about the elevator, but if they did that, she’d never get out of here. “I think I can find it. Though, that idea does have a certain... _allure_. No. No, I do not need your sexy ass in the elevator with me. I have things to do and if I don’t go over those notes again, I’m going to make a fool of myself. And you need to go take care of your people. Responsibility. Ain’t it a bitch?” There she went, rambling again. The things this man _did_ to her… “I should go.” She released his hand and sat down momentarily to pull her boots and jacket on.

“Good luck with the press. You’ll be fine. You always are. Though, I do think you have a problem when it comes to my ass,” he smirked.   

“I’ll get through as long as I can avoid throwing punches. And _I_ like your personality just fine, Kaidan Alenko.” She reached out and playfully smacked his rear. “ _And_ that ass.”

He burst into a laugh and caught her hand. “Hey!” Kaidan deftly pulled her into a hug, still chuckling. “I’m very glad we ran into each other. It’s the most fun I’ve had in awhile. And I don’t just mean the sex. Thank you.”

She smiled up at him. “Me, too, K. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to just let go and enjoy something. I’ll see you around.”

She gave him a final squeeze and released him before turning away and walking out the door. When the elevator closed with her in it, she leaned back against the wall and bit her lip, looking up at the ceiling. What the hell had she gotten herself into now?


	8. Dust in the Solar Wind

The question followed her down to the parking garage where she donned her helmet and started up the bike. He was cute as fuck and oh, gods, the _sex_ was the best she’d had in...well, since the drell she’d gotten with out of curiosity about their venom. She directed the bike out of the parking garage, checking the time. She had a little more than she’d let on to Kaidan, so she turned away from base, going back the way they’d gone the day before. She needed to feel the wind, the drone of the machine, center herself again.

She carefully wended her way through traffic until she reached open highway and leaned forward, hugging the bike. She did _not_ need to think about him snugged up against her back or the way those muscular thighs had moved against hers, but _fuck_ , that had been hot. The image of him leaning up against the doorway this morning in nothing but his PJ pants morphed into a picture of him working around the barn in a tight shirt that clung to his muscular frame, accentuating each movement. _Mmph. Sex on two legs, man._ She’d never seen him out of uniform before yesterday. He was hot in BDUs and gorgeous in dress blues, but he was fuckin’ _sexy_ in civvies.

Cleaning up that barn was probably sweaty work…. He’d need a shower after he was finished. Her hands tightened on the handlebars as she pictured them pushing his shirt up, licking a line up his torso, over his chest, and up his neck. There’d be sweat clinging to the hair at the base of his neck, trickling down his spine. He clearly couldn’t reach his back on his own, so she’d follow him into the shower to help... _Fucking hell, Kate! Focus on what you’re doing!_

The party _could_ be interesting. It would certainly give her a chance to do a little recon, gather some intel, give her something she could turn against him the next time he started picking her soul apart. Gods knew he’d do it, too. She’d never been to an anniversary party before. It was a _normal_ thing to do and while she was collecting experiences anyway, maybe it _wouldn’t_ hurt to go. Who cared what his parents thought?

She’d just make it clear she was there as a...friend. Yeah. Friends. Friends who had amazing, mind-blowing sex afterward. It’d been nice to see him let loose the night before. He’d always been so buttoned-up at school that she didn’t see him doing it often. And the way his eyes crinkled... _damn_. He was hot, no doubt about that.

So, party, then sex. She could do that. It hadn’t been _terrible_ meeting his parents. Kristof was interesting. She’d like the chance to get to talk to him more. She’d just avoid his mother as much as possible before the woman had them married with babies in her head. That was _absolutely not_ in the cards for her. Not now. Not ever. Fuck that. It was just a party, not her entire future. Maybe she’d go, then. See what it was like. Get the experience. Maybe.

City had given way to countryside. She was heading into his turf. That was okay. Pretty country. She wondered if he’d let her see the lamb again. _If_ she saw _him_ again, of course. That still wasn’t certain. She’d really liked Cici. The trees lining the road reminded her of the ones at the farm. If he did take her back, maybe they could take another walk through the orchard? The trees dappling the ground with their shadows, the scent of clean country air mixing with that of the blooms...yeah, that’d be nice.

_I wanna keep him._

The fuck? Where had _that_ come from? You could keep pets. Feed them. Water them. Whatever you did to take care of an animal. _People aren’t pets. You don’t keep a person._ Might be nice to have someone around to help with a house, though. That would probably be a lot to do on one’s own. Not that she was ever going to...but she _could_ , she realized. Her amp program had sold for a shit ton of credits once she’d figured out the hardware issue with the implants. Not all of that money was tied up in the charity she’d started to get kids off the streets, give them a better chance than hers had gotten. She had a little nest egg squirreled away for after the military and her retirement fund was healthy--if she lived that long--so maybe someday. She wasn’t a resourceless street rat anymore.

A pretty house with a wide front porch backed by rolling hills and pasture caught her eye. She could get something like that. Maybe not so big. She didn’t need all that room just for herself. But a small house, a couple horses...yeah. She’d always wanted a horse. She slowed and pulled into the driveway, looking at the animals dotting the meadow behind the house. That’d be nice and peaceful and maybe, just maybe, she’d earned a little fucking peace at the end of fighting.

She shook her head. She needed to get back. She didn’t have time for this. The hell had that man done to her? Getting her dreaming about futures and shit. She had a retirement fund because the military had required it. She had a nest egg in case she needed to bail the fuck out. She wasn’t going to live long enough to retire anyway, not with the way she fought. All it would take was a single moment of carelessness or a small mistake and she was done for. And that was okay. She had nothing to look forward to. Thane wasn’t long for this world. He had goddamn Kepral’s Syndrome. Early stages, sure, but there was no cure. He was a dead man walking and once he was gone, she’d have nothing and no one. There was no future to look forward to, nothing to live for beyond the next fight. She didn’t need to waste time on fucking pipe dreams.

She turned the bike back to the city and gunned the engine, letting the speed whip away her errant thoughts. _Let me feel the wind again._ No more. She didn’t need to dream about a sexy biotic whose eyes saw too much or houses and land or a place of her own. She had notes to review, another fucking speech to get through, and ICT. That was what she needed. She’d go to his damn party because she was curious and she wanted to get laid. _Bring it home, baby. Got shit to do._ She left thoughts of Kaidan and the future in the wind behind her.  

___

Red gave her notes a final once-over before going to the dress coat hanging on the closet door. She’d had it pressed for the occasion, which meant she had to put the damn medals back on, a boring process that generally involved a ruler and grid and meticulous attention to detail. To make it more interesting, she’d challenged herself to learn to affix them all perfectly without using tools. She felt a burst of satisfaction when she checked it and discovered she’d gotten it right the first time. It took her attention from the massive star that would rest over her heart.

She didn’t mind most of the medals, though she believed she didn’t need a piece of tin for just doing her damn job, because she’d earned them. The Star of Terra, on the other hand, she detested. She hadn’t cared about the colony. She’d fought because she’d been ordered to and if she hadn’t, she would have fought because she was there. There was nothing heroic about what she’d done. She’d stayed alive long enough for the Alliance to arrive. That was it. She barely remembered the last hours of the fight. They were a red-tinted blur of exhaustion, pain, and drug-induced euphoria. Thinking of Elysium inevitably made her think of red sand and thinking of red sand made her want it. She wanted to stop thinking about it.

She left the coat where it was and went into her cramped bathroom to school her unruly hair into something more manageable. She’d already showered and it had dried on its own, so it draped down her back in a mass of fiery, twisting curls. She wondered if anyone would even recognize her if she dressed in civilian clothes and went out like this. She straightened it and wound it up into a neat bun, tucking pieces that fell back into place and securing them with bobby pins. There. Now she looked like the soldier.

She donned her uniform, checking it in the mirror before leaving the base hotel. Her helmet wouldn’t fit over her bun and the wind would rip it out of place, so she chose to walk the short distance to HQ. The walk gave her time to smoke a cigarette, which she held out from her uniform to avoid transferring the scent. Unlike the day before, Vancouver was overcast and the sky threatened to saturate the air with the heavy mist that left a film over one’s skin and seeped into her bones. At least it didn’t get that cold here. Chicago was far worse.

Admiral Thompkins was waiting for her when she arrived. He ushered her into a broad conference room hosting rows of currently-empty chairs, a long table laden with hors d'oeuvres and refreshments, and a dais holding a podium and more chairs facing the audience. If the room’s decorator was familiar with any colors but Alliance blue and gray, it wasn’t evidenced by the decor. Standard military, then.

She mounted the dais and took the seat Thompkins gestured to. She was earlier than she’d intended, so she called up a mini-game on her omni-tool to busy her hands and occupy her mind. _Hurry up and wait. That should be the military’s recruiting slogan_. The room gradually filled and she closed out her omni-tool with a sigh. She had to at least look like she was paying attention as the admiral welcomed the crowd and introduced her.

When the formalities were complete, she took his place at the podium, looking out over a pool of fresh, eager faces and ignoring the reporters speckled through the room. She should have expected the Alliance to find a way to twist the Blitz into a recruiting tool. They wanted her to play up the glamour and adventure, convince these teenagers to sign on the dotted line, and never mind that there had been a dozen soldiers there and only one had come back. Didn’t exactly recommend itself. If they wanted to join to improve their lives or because they believed in the Alliance, that was on them. If they were chasing glory, they were a danger to her and anyone they served with. She wouldn’t give the brass what they wanted in the way they wanted it. They wanted to voluntell her to do this shit, they’d get what she was willing to give.

She transferred her notes from her omni-tool to the provided datapad. Fuck, she hated giving speeches. Rallying her troops to go fight and maybe die? Yeah. She could do that. Anything else was a waste of time and had too many eyes on her. Typically, it was simply something she didn’t enjoy. This, though, already had ants marching under her skin and craving whispering across her nerves. She tamped it down and began.

“Thank you, Admiral. As he said, I’m Lieutenant Katherine Shepherd. I was born in and raised in Chicago, Illinois. I finished high school early and attended MIT, graduating with a degree in engineering at twenty. I joined the Alliance straight out of college, but at the time, my biotics were needed more, so I commissioned as a vanguard. Let me tell you, when I was signing my name on the dotted line, I never would have believed I’d be standing here talking to you about this today.”

The lies slipped easily off her tongue. She’d recited her made-up history so many times that it was now engrained. Thane had stuck close enough to the truth in the basic facts that even under interrogation, it didn’t waver. If someone questioned her repeatedly and in depth, focusing on detail, she might slip, but a basic overview would hold and that’s all anyone had ever been interested in anyway.

“I attended Officer Candidate School in Huntsville and then came here to Vancouver for biotics training. On April eleventh of this year, I was on Elysium for shore leave. I…” she trailed off as her eyes came to rest on a face that she’d become _intimately_ familiar with over the past twenty-four hours. Her cheeks heated and she bit her lip. He’d come. She hadn’t expected him to, but there he was, in the back in his BDUs like he’d just walked out of the classroom.

 _Oh, fuck_. How was she supposed to do this with him looking at her? A tiny smile made the corners of his eyes do that _crinkle_ when their eyes locked over the podium and her heart skipped. Nerves and being faced with him out of the clear fucking blue was throwing her off. _‘It’ll on’y be one_ , _’_ he mouthed, nodding at her. He read her too well. Like a goddamn book, words on a page spread out just for him. She wouldn’t mind if he spread her out again...like a line of sand, stark red against the dark stock of the rifle. _Fuck_. _Focus_.

She took a deep breath and started again. “I was contacted by Admiral Hackett with a warning about comm buoys going dark, signifying an incoming attack.” She detailed rallying the colony, the first wave of the attack, falling back to the secondary location and then finally the bunker. She struggled to recall the faces of the soldiers who’d helped her create the barricade, forced the expected emotion into her voice as she described Private Davis’ efforts and his death. And then it was just her.

This was the part everyone wanted to hear about. The part she could barely remember. The part that had heat clawing its way up the back of her neck and her stomach twisting as she looked at Kaidan. He could never, ever know the truth. He would be ashamed to admit to knowing her if he knew. _Oh, how far the mighty fall._ That’s what he would have thought if he’d been able to see her snorting fucking red sand off her goddamn rifle.

 _Weak_. That’s what she’d been. Sure, her amp had been burning. Yes, it may have made the difference and kept her alive, but that hadn’t _really_ been her reason for turning to it, just her excuse. She forced herself not to rub the knot of scar tissue between her fingers as she recited the series of events she’d eventually put together from her own red-tinted memories and Dr. Chakwas’ report. She couldn’t look Kaidan in the eye, so she looked instead at the teenagers hanging onto her every word.

 _Time for the bullshit_. She picked up the datapad and began to slowly cross the dais, looking at their faces and gesturing to make her points the way she always did when she spoke to a group. “You’re all here because you’re considering joining the Alliance. Your reasons are as varied as you are. The one that matters to me, though, is the one that’s going to make the difference between victory and defeat. The news vids portray Elysium as a glorious victory for humanity. Those recruiting vids I’m sure you’ve all watched too many times paint it as a heroic effort and tout it as the kind of grand adventure you can expect during your service.

“It isn’t. There was nothing glorious or heroic about it. It was a fight for survival in the dark. It was bloody. It was gruesome. The troops I rallied died to the last man and I watched many of them fall. There’s no glory in that. I wasn’t thinking about being hailed as a hero. I wasn’t thinking about what came after at all. The only thing I thought about was the next minute. The next bullet. The next rocket. If you’re doing it for glory, you’re doing it for the wrong reason. Praise doesn’t mean shit when you’ve got a bullet in your hip, another in your back, and a third in your shoulder and _they’re still coming_. You do it because if you don’t, the million people in the tunnels beneath you and the bunker beside you will die. You do it because _it’s your job_.

“When you sign your name to that contract, you aren’t signing up for a bonus check or to make something of your life or to get your name in the news. You’re signing an agreement that your life means less than that of those you’re tasked to defend. And if you don’t mean to honor that agreement to your very core, _you will break_. And that is not acceptable. So, think long and hard before you put pen to paper because being a hero comes at a cost not all of you will be willing to pay.”

She glanced at Kaidan again before stepping back from the podium. His face was unreadable, lips slightly pinched in a thin line. Their eyes locked and he nodded at her again. A knot in her stomach she didn’t even know she’d had eased: approval.

She took her seat again and suppressed a smirk as Major Phillips attempted to flip her words into something motivational. Admiral Thompkins scowled at her across the dais. She looked away, wishing for something to occupy herself until the rest of the speeches concluded. She sought out Kaidan again and the corner of her mouth twitched. Holy fuck, he was actually here. And he’d made her forget all about the need that had been crawling up her spine. Damn it, now she _had_ to go to his fucking party.


	9. Imperfections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Amante: Lover

Kaidan waited for Shepherd outside the door, shoulder braced against the wall and arms crossed in front of him. “Hey, LT. That was quite the speech.”

She shrugged nonchalantly. “They needed to know.”

“That they did,” he replied with a dark chuckle. “Though, I’m not sure that’s exactly what the brass had in mind when they asked you to win hearts and minds.”

“I told them I was done. They insisted. They get what they get at this point. I’m sick to death of talking about Elysium. It wasn’t fun and games. They want to point at me because I survived it, but they forget that I wasn’t there alone. If the fleet hadn’t come when they did, the colony would have been lost. They want me to talk about teamwork and coordination and the like, I’ll do it. But I’m not going to paint a romantic picture for a bunch of fff--ah... _freaking_ kids.”

Another chuckle fell easily from his lips as he pushed himself off the wall. He’d never thought he’d see the day when Shepherd pulled back. Did that mean he was influencing her or that she was simply adjusting her behavior around his? If what he suspected about her was true, it was likely the latter. She was still fascinating. “What are your plans now?”

“Now that this is done, I’m free until I leave for ICT. Real shore leave is officially on,” she said, falling into a smile. “I’m glad you came.”

“Me, too. It was enlightening. Are you hungry?”

Her stomach growled and she pressed her lips together in a grin. “I think that’s a yes.”

“Is there anything you’re in the mood for? I didn’t plan that far ahead.” He honestly hadn’t expected her to want him there at all. She struck him as the type to want to get as far away from him as she could after the night they’d spent together. Social interaction wasn’t one of her strong suits and she actively avoided connections.

“I’ll eat anything. Steak? I don’t get real meat that often.” She began walking down the corridor, her hips swaying gently in contrast with her economical movements. She was so professional that it was easy to forget that she was still just a woman until he caught a glimpse of something like that. The tiny moments of femininity she displayed were all the more alluring for their rarity.

“Works for me.” He caught up with her easily. “I know a place. So this is it until you ship out for ICT?”

“I’m absolutely done. No other plans until I need to start packing to leave.” She took a deep breath. “Hopefully, once I get done with training, that’ll be the end of all this Blitz crap.”

He shot her a sympathetic glance as they turned down a walkway and headed towards the street. “I don’t blame you. It seems like the more you want to forget what happened, the more they just keep making you relive it,” he said. He doubted his experience was in any way comparable to hers, but trauma was trauma whether it was seeing your teammates die or killing a man and falling into a pit of red sand.

She raised a brow. “Personal experience, LT?” She led him into the lobby of the hotel and pushed the button for the lift. When he didn’t answer her, she crossed her arms over her chest in an echo of his earlier position and flicked the Star of Terra absently out of the way of her hand. “I’ll take that as a yes and you don’t want to talk about it. Consider it dropped. I just need to change out of the uniform and grab the bike keys. You up for another ride?”

“If you’re offering,” he said with a smile. “Should I change, too?”

“No, you look _just fine._ ”

“A few years ago, if you’d told me I’d end up on the back of a motorcycle with you, I’d have laughed in your face.”

The door to her hotel room opened into a quiet gloom. She turned the light on and gestured for him to come in. “In my experience, people rarely anticipate where they’re going to end up.”

“True enough,” he said, wandering over to one of the framed paintings on the wall as she shrugged out of her coat and hung it up.

“Well...if you’d asked _me_ a few years ago, I never would have dreamed that I’d be alone in a hotel room with _you_. Out of all the possible scenarios, this one wasn’t one I’d anticipated. Not that I’m complaining...”

He shot a grin over his shoulder at her.  “If you ever run into Stevens, feel free to let her know.”

She laughed warmly. “I will _definitely_ do that. Poor Stevens...but lucky me, right?”

He cocked his head to the side as he turned to face her, amused smile still tugging at the corners of his lips. “That depends on how you define ‘lucky’. The fact that we ran into each other again after a couple years? I consider that lucky.” A flash of dizziness had him swaying on his feet. Damn. He needed to eat. He hadn’t had anything since breakfast, too focused on checking in with Jaime and then finishing his and Lolita’s work out at the orchard so that they could remain at the hospital. He forced a bright smile. No sense in worrying her when it was nothing. He hoped. “Anyway. Food?”

“Very lucky,” she said, tilting her head. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Yeah, fine. Just hungry. We should get going.”

“If you say so,” she said, brow furrowing. “Give me just a minute.”

She went into the bathroom to change. Just in case it was the onset of a migraine rather than simple low blood sugar, he popped his amp out and tucked it into the carrying case he kept in his pocket. It wouldn’t prevent a headache, but it at least would ensure that it wasn’t any worse than it had to be. He rubbed small circles into the back of his neck to loosen the muscles as he waited.

Shepherd came back into the room and perched on the edge of the bed to tie her boots. “Ready.”

“Excellent.” He stopped rubbing his neck and gave her another smile. “Still want steak?”

Her brow furrowed again. “If you’re up for it. ...You sure you’re okay? If you’re getting a headache, I think I have some juice or nutrigel in my shore bag.”

“I should be alright, provided I eat soon. When you start to crash with an L2, you crash hard, unfortunately. C’mon. Let’s get going. Head out to the freeway; we’re going to the waterfront on the other side of town.”

“If you’re sure,” she said, pocketing the bike key and leading him out of the room.

They walked together out to the parking lot and she tossed him the helmet before mounting the bike. He tugged it on and threw a leg over behind her, tucking up against her again and placing his hands lightly on her hips.

They merged onto the freeway and she gunned the engine as the first raindrops began to fall from the leaden sky. She sped up, probably hoping to get to the waterfront before the bottom truly dropped out. The streetlights lining the sides of the highway had come on already and they strobed past them in dizzying flashes. Nausea roiled through him, exacerbated by the vibration of the bike and the rush of lights and cars streaming at him. Auras. Vertigo. Nausea. He was getting a migraine.

He squeezed her hips. His voice was weaker than he’d like when he said, “I think I need to go back. I thought I could power through it, but I can’t. I’m sorry, Kate.”

“Ten-four,” she responded immediately. “If you need to be sick, let me know and I’ll pull over.” There wasn’t an exit in sight, but the center divider broke a hundred meters ahead, so she did a quick traffic check before leaning her weight and taking them into the empty stretch along the barrier. The rain was beginning to fall in earnest now, so she slowed and walked the bike through the turnaround. He did his best to help, but found himself leaning heavier against her. Simply holding onto her was becoming a feat.

She waited for a gap in the stream of vehicles coming toward them before pulling back out onto the freeway and gunning the engine. She called back over the wind, “All right, K. Put your head on my back and just tuck into me. Arms around my waist and hold on. It gets finicky in the rain. Gotta finesse it and I can’t do that with you loose back there. We’ll just go back to the hotel. It’s closer.”

He slid his head between her shoulder blades, the helmet pressing into her back, but she didn’t complain. His arms wrapped loosely around her middle. Miles slipped by under the wet tires, the rain losing some of its fury as it settled into a heavy, soaking deluge that plastered their clothing to them. He kept his head down and his eyes closed against the glistening lights sparkling on the pavement.

Shepherd carefully steered through the congestion, finessing the motorcycle around turns with slight shifts of her weight and bumps with her legs rather than her usual force. They finally reached the base and she got them to the hotel without further issue. She didn’t even try backing the bike into the slot this time. She turned the bike off and tucked the key into her pocket. “You good to walk, _amante_ [1]?” she asked over her shoulder. “We’re here.”

“Yeah. Thank you for the helmet again. It probably would have helped you more with the rain.” He passed it to her, pressing a thumb over his eyebrow, his breathing measured and careful. Nausea continued to roll through him, turning his limbs to jelly. He hoped he could make it to the room without getting sick on her. This was certainly not the date he’d planned.

She gingerly touched his arm. “Kaidan, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Migraine,” he said tightly. “Warning signs were there earlier, but I was hoping it was just my blood sugar, y’know?”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Need somewhere dark and quiet.”

“Can do, LT,” she said, guiding them off the bike and staying close as they walked into the hotel.

“Thanks.” His tone was clipped and terse. He kept his eyes closed with his hand covering them as the elevator rose.

“Here we go, almost there,” she said, her voice more soothing than he’d have guessed it could be. He tried to answer, but his entire focus was on staying upright through the pain lancing through his head.

When they reached her floor, she led the way down the hall, keeping a light hand on his elbow. She unlocked the door and held it open for him, ushering him through. He made it all of three feet in the door before he stumbled. “Kaidan?” She grabbed his arm, sliding hers around his waist, and he leaned into her, unable to further support his own weight.

“Shit. Sorry. I’m good. Can’t open my eyes is all.”

“Bullshit. That is not ‘good’. You can barely stand…” She guided him over to the bed and he eased himself onto it, carefully spreading out on his back and throwing an arm over his eyes.

“You’re right. I generally have enough warning to try to delay it, but this hit me like a vanguard.”

She flipped the switch on the wall, casting the room into darkness, muttering, “I’m not _that_ bad, am I?” He heard her rustling around for a moment, but couldn’t bring himself to look. The bed dipped slightly as she perched on the side of it, holding out a cup and a washcloth. “Either of these help? Do you need medicine? What can I do?”

“Pain-killers? Caffeine?” He struggled to unlace his boots.

She gently pushed him back onto the bed and began untying them. “Relax. This, I can do. I’ll have to look in my bag and see what I’ve got. I don’t keep much in the way of medication on me, but there’s always room service if not. I’m sure we can figure something out.” She tugged his boots off and placed them on the floor beside the bed, careful not to let them drop with a thud. He appreciated the consideration. Even the sound of her rummaging through her shore bag was enough to send hammers pounding against his skull. She returned with a bottle of mild analgesics and the anti-inflammatories the Alliance gave out for everything from a stubbed toe to a gunshot wound. She poured two of each into her palm and offered them to him with the cup of water. “You’re in luck,” she said quietly. “Had some after all.”

“Mm.” He took them and tossed them back with a small swallow of the water. “Thanks. Are you going to mind if I strip? Is there a robe or something somewhere? My clothes are still soaked and I don’t really want to keep lying on the bed in them.”  

“Heh. Afraid military hotels aren’t that posh. However, it won’t bother me if you want to get out of those clothes. I’m still soaked, too. Wet clothing is miserable.” She peeled her jacket off and tossed it over the back of the chair near the bed.

“I’m stunned,” he groaned, rolling over and only succeeding in turning himself facedown. “Ugh…”

“You sure you don’t want any help?” she asked. The only response he could give her was another groan buried in the pillow. “Okay, _amante_. Roll over.” She gently took him by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back again so that she could access the buttons on his wet BDU shirt. She pushed the soaked garment off his shoulders and worked it down his arms, trying not to jostle him any more than she had to. “Pants?” she asked when he was bare to the waist.

“Unless you like wet bedclothes,” he mumbled, shifting and trying to tug his pants off. “They’ll be kinda damp as it is now. Should’ve stripped before laying down.”

“I can get housekeeping to bring dry blankets,” she said, brushing his hands away. She pulled the heavy fabric down over his legs and carried it into the bathroom. On her way back, she snagged a towel and she sat down beside him again, carefully rubbing it over his damp skin. She passed it to him so that he could dry his hair and tapped something into the comm by the bed. “You gonna be hungry any time soon? I can get them to bring up some toast or something.”

“I’ll just lose it at this point. I just need to wait it out. ‘M sorry again. Not exactly how I pictured tonight.”

“You don’t need to apologize, K.” A faint knock at the door announced the housekeeper, so she went to it and accepted the blanket and tea bag without allowing the woman into the room. He appreciated that, too. He would rather not have a stranger ogling his ass. He shifted a little so she could strip the wet blanket and she settled the dry one over him, placing the tea bag on the nightstand.

She stripped out of her own wet clothing and put on an oversized, soft PT shirt before crawling into bed beside him and patting her thigh. “C’mon. Getting you to sleep is something I _can_ help with.” When he didn’t move, she stroked a hand down his back. “You don’t want your head rubbed?”

“Can you pop my amp out?” he muttered, sliding face-first into her lap. “Won’t make it better, but it’ll stop it from getting worse.”

Her fingers gingerly probed his amp port before she said, “It’s already out.” _Shit_. He’d forgotten removing it earlier. That meant this was going to be a bad one. Her hands moved to the back of his neck, working the knots loose with her fingertips. He groaned and tipped his head forward, giving her more room to work. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled again.

“It’s fine,” she said softly, moving down to his bare shoulders.

He slowly started to relax. No one had ever helped him through a migraine before. He’d figured she would put him to bed and leave him alone at best, call for a cab to get him out of her room at worst. Instead, she was taking care of him. That seemed important, but he’d have to figure it out when his brain decided to start working again. When she went to work massaging the pressure points in his head, he released his death grip on the sheets and his breathing finally evened out, sleep _finally_ overtaking him.


	10. Into the Lion's Den

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] springy/bouncy one  
> [2] I’m sorry, baby. Be calm.  
> [3] Stop. Enough.  
> [4] We were worried about you.

“I’m freaking out.”

“Don’t freak out, you’ll be fine. This is much easier than the press conference.”  

Kate had to bite back a small laugh; the whole scenario was a little ridiculous. Kaidan had a dust rag tucked in the back pocket of his jeans that looked like a tail and he was running the vacuum on the jewel-toned area rug in front of the wall of windows facing English Bay. It was just a matter of time before the white gloves came out, she thought to herself, torn between amusement and panic.

“Says you! You already _know_ these people. And you know how I am with people,” she said, rubbing the webbing of her fingers. This had been a bad idea. A really bad idea. His parents were going to be here soon. His _mother_ was going to be here. She shuddered. “I’m going to embarrass you. Just watch.”

“I highly doubt that,” he replied, matter of fact. He shut off the vacuum and started winding the cord up. “My mother loves everyone and Dad will talk your ear off about the military. It’ll be fine.”

“She still scares the hell out of me.”

A muffled chuckle came from down the hall as he stowed the vacuum in the closet. “She’s the absolute nicest woman in the world. Promise.” He came back out into the great room and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge, then offered her a sip.

She took it and swigged probably more than he’d intended before handing it back. “Nice. Ha! No one is really that nice. That woman is either going to rip me to shreds or have us married with a white picket fence and a house and a dog and 2.68 kids by next week!” _Probably with my own damn shotgun to my back._

“No,” he replied, furrowing his brow at the half empty water bottle he received back. He went and got another one. “Four weeks. She has to make sure the two of you would get along first.” _Uh huh. I can just see her showing up in Rio and dragging my happy ass out of ICT._ His omni-tool pinged. “Speak of the devil. They’re on their way up.”

She swallowed hard and smoothed her shirt before running a hand over her hair. Parents cared about shit like that, right? _Fuuuuck_. This was different than running into them before. This time, the parents _mattered_. She and Kaidan were... _something_...now. She didn’t know what, but that meant his parents should like her, didn’t it? She didn’t fucking know how to do this. Polite company wasn’t her thing. Military functions were one thing. There were protocols in place. It was familiar. This, though, was so far out of her element, she had no point of reference.

“Ok, before they get here. Pre-brief? Would that help?” He finished the first water bottle and picked up the second.

She heaved a sigh of relief. Sometimes he just _got_ her. At those times, he was a damn rock. “Hell yes.”

“Dad’s a retired Alliance flight medic. He’ll pull you aside if you let him, but that’ll get you out of the line of fire. Mama will want to get to know you, know your history, but she won’t outright prod. Spend a few minutes in the kitchen with her and she’ll adore you. Her older brother, my uncle Zane, is one of the ones to watch out for. He’s an engineer and he’s an ass, but it’s not overt. He has this way of turning seeming compliments into insults and making you feel two inches tall in the process. Just avoid and ignore him. My sister, Kendra, will be here with her husband, Tom, and their daughter, Leah. Kendra is a teacher. She’s very sweet, but she’s nosy and she’s blunt. Tom’s former Alliance and a little odd, but he’s quiet, so he’ll probably just stay out of your way.”  

He paused, toying with the water bottle. “Party starts around 1700-ish and I expect it’ll be done around 2200. Expect small talk, food, and booze. If you really look at it, it’s mostly soldiers and their spouses shooting the shit. Sound tenable?” He punctuated it by taking another drink.

She rubbed her hands over her face and breathed out. _Five hours? Small talk for_ five hours _? Oh, gods. There’s booze, though, so that’s good. But...shit._ “Soldiers and wives isn’t usually a good combination. The wives expect me to hang out with them and then get pissed when I stick with the soldiers. But...yeah. Too late to retreat now, right? I can do this. I got this. I faced down a horde of batarians. I can do a fucking anniversary party.” The door chimed just then and she tossed a worried look at it.  “We should, like, kiss for luck or something, right? People do that, don’t they? I saw it in a vid once. That’s a real thing, isn’t it?” Gods, she did _not_ know how to do normal.

He laughed. “That’s up to you, Kate. I thought friends didn’t kiss friends, though.”

She shot him a confused look. “Thought we’d decided this was something more than just friends? See where it goes? All that?”

“Good. I’m just making sure…” Kaidan leaned in, tilting his head.

She stepped forward and caught his chin between her thumb and forefinger before brushing her lips over his with a sigh. She could do this. They had this. _A thousand lives we could live, but it’ll be only one and all that, right?_ “Okay, then. We got this.”

“Mm. That we do.” The door chimed again. He gave her one last peck and started walking towards the front, dust rag waving as he moved.

She reached out and snagged it from his pocket, playfully snapping it against his ass. “Forgot something, LT.”

“Hey!” He scooted forward a step, twisting around to grin at her. “That almost stung.”

She laughed. “Oh, come on. You’re made of tougher stuff than that, aren’t you? Or you getting soft from all that deskwork? We need to get you back out in the field if that little pop could do you in.”

“Operative word is ‘almost’,” he teased, walking backwards. “Takes more than that to take me out. Besides, if it did hurt, you’d just have to kiss it better again.” _Mmph._ She was not opposed to that idea at all.

He turned around and opened the door.

He’d done that on purpose.

This was going to be interesting, no doubt about it.

* * *

 

Halfway through the night, her head was spinning. Karen and Zane happily traded barbed insults and good-natured jabs at each other. Mr. Alenko flipped through the vid screen, bouncing back and forth between music channels and the news, while Kaidan talked to Kendra for a good portion of the evening. Tom was just like her, she thought as she flicked her ash over the balcony in the night air, glancing over her shoulder at the bright, inviting space behind her. He smiled and joked, especially with Karen, but there was a flatness behind it that made her wonder if he actually felt it or if it was all cognitive like it was with her. Another peal of laughter came through the door as Kendra said something she couldn’t hear.

Family.

This was what it was like.

Kaidan caught her eye through the window and winked at her, Leah bouncing on his knee on the couch, before he turned back to Kendra.

Her break was over. Back into the maelstrom. She took a final drag off the cigarette and crushed it out on the sole of her boot before flicking the butt over the railing. Voices hit her in a wave as she opened the door and went inside. She gave Kaidan a crooked smile on her way to the bathroom to wash her hands and then joined him on the couch, looking at the baby. She waited for the familiar tension that she felt any time she was around kids, but she was younger than any of hers had been and it didn’t come. She still liked kids. They just made her think of things she’d rather avoid. She was cute, though. If Kaidan had looked like this as a baby, he’d been adorable. Fuckin’ cute as an adult. She should have expected he would have been as a child, too.

She looked up at Kendra and gestured toward the baby. “May I?”

The elegant woman smiled and nodded at her. “Of course. She likes people.” Kaidan gave her a warm smile and placed him in her lap. The baby gurgled happily and kicked her legs, little fists waving in the air. A string of drool oozed onto her bib.

She grinned down at her as she dabbed it away. “You are just too cute for your own good, aren’t you, _bambina_? I bet your mamma adores you.” She gently tickled the bottom of her feet and pretended to nibble at her toes. Leah squealed and patted her forehead with tiny fists, grasping a strand of her hair and banging it against her eyebrow. She winced and reached up to carefully untangle her little fingers. Kaidan shook a stuffed teddy bear with a rattle at her, trying to distract her.  

“Hey, little girl. That’s not nice…” he murmured.

“It’s fine,” she said, finally managing to free her hair without losing more than a few strands, which she plucked out of his pudgy fist. “I don’t mind it. Gonna be a strong one when you get bigger, aren’t you, _molleggiata_ [1]?” It occurred to her that she didn’t have to look far for endearments that would apply to a very small child, though she’d rarely used them with her kids. Did that mean she’d heard them once herself? She shook her head. No use going down that path.  

Leah squirmed again and threw the teddy. It bounced off one of the throw pillows and knocked it to the ground next to Kaidan’s foot. “So, Kaidan. Are we going to be seeing more of your _friend_? I can’t be the only one keeping the family going.” A wash of energy flushed through her and Leah fussed in her lap.  

She picked the baby up and held her to her shoulder, bouncing her slightly and running her hand over her back. “Shhh,” she whispered soothingly. “ _Mi dispiace, bambina_. _Tranquillo._ [2]” Poor kid. She must have accidentally zapped her. She just hadn’t been prepared to hear something like that. Gods, she really was blunt.

“Especially now that your ‘little trouble’ is over. It _is_ over, right?” Zane added, coming over to join them.

“ _Alto. Bastante._ [3]” His voice was low, almost dangerous.

“Estábamos preocupados por ti,[4]” Kendra sighed, settling back on the couch. The silence stretched uncomfortably between the three.

Tom got up carefully. “I’m going to get a bottle for Leah. It’s almost her bedtime.”

“He’s an ass, Kaidan. Let it go,” Kendra whispered.

Kate looked between them. Her first impulse was to get up and follow Tom to the kitchen to give them time to work out...whatever had just happened. But Kaidan had been making sure she was comfortable all night. She couldn’t just ditch him. She didn’t understand what little of the exchange she’d heard, but his expression made it clear enough that the other woman had hit a sore spot. She had exit strategies, but did he? She’d give him one if he wanted it.

She turned to Kendra and held the baby out to her. “I think she might be wet. She was fussing.”

The other woman took the baby, plastering on a fake smile. Kaidan muttered, “Excuse me, I need a moment. I’ll be back.” She watched him make his way out to the balcony, not quite sure what she should do. He paused, turning to look at her. “Coming?”

She rose and followed him outside again, door muffling the sounds of the party. “You okay?” she asked softly. She wanted to wipe that look from his face. He responded well to touch, but kissing him would be inappropriate with the family inside and wasn’t sure where the boundaries were otherwise, so she let her hands remain at her sides.

“What’s a family gathering without a little drama?” He heaved a sigh, leaning on his elbows on the railing. “You remember me saying you were afraid of yourself and you theorizing that it was experience talking?”

She nodded.

He ran his hands over his face. “You were right. Something happened and I’m not going to talk about it right now, but it’s in the past. I’ve dealt with it. But they just won’t let it _go_. Especially Zane. And that just keeps it right there in the forefront.”

“I understand,” she said.  

“Like the Blitz and the reporters, right? How are you supposed to forget when it’s constantly in your face?” he asked, turning to lean his ass against the railing.

“I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “But any time you need an exit strategy, I’m your girl.”

He gave her a crooked grin and she pulled her pack out of her pocket. “I’ll take you up on that. I’m going back in. I need to talk to Kendra. See you in a few?”

“Yeah. I won’t be too long.”

“Ok.”  

Kaidan nodded and left her toying with a cigarette in the moonlight. Well, _that_ had been interesting. She lit the cigarette and brought it to her lips, inhaling deeply as she turned to face the water. She hadn’t expected him to be the one to need the out or to need reassurance. It felt good, though, to be able to return the favor. Maybe this meant she could be a rock for him, too. She was the last person she’d think of for something like that, but he seemed to bring out a better side of her. Most of the time, at least. Every once in awhile, she rocked this ‘normal’ thing.

“Good night for some fresh air…” She whipped around, startled. Mr. Alenko was closing the door, light spilling out in neat rectangles on the deck. “Mind if I join you?”

Not like she really had a choice.  It was his place; she was a guest.  She gestured to the empty space next to her, unsure of what he was going to say. He leaned on the railing, gazing out at the Bay in an echo of his son’s earlier position. Despite that, they looked nothing alike. Kristof was short where Kaidan was tall, jolly where he was reserved, stockiness giving way to softness where Kaidan was muscular.

“We appreciate you coming out, spending a night of your shore leave with us,” he said.

“I appreciate the invitation. Everyone’s been very welcoming, thank you.” She eyed the cigarette in her hand with a grin and held it up. “Kinda expected a lecture, though. I mean, aren’t you supposed to? Everyone else does.”

He chuckled. “I’m not a medic anymore and that isn’t why I came out here.”

“What _did_ you come out here for, then?” she asked.

“A breath of fresh air,” he teased. “I just wanted to say thank you for being a friend to my son. I don’t know what Zane said to him back there, but I can guess and I saw you follow him out. Kaidan’s the one everybody leans on. He always has been. And maybe that’s why things happened the way they did. Too much pressure on him from an early age. He never really got the chance to be a kid except when he went out to my parents’ place. It’s nice to see him with someone who’ll let him lean back a little bit, that’s all.”

_‘That’s all.’ No pressure, though._

“I, ah, may have noticed that tendency,” she said, rubbing the back of her neck and grinning. “Actually, speaking of helping him, there was something I was thinking about talking to you about if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh?” He turned to face her, curiosity lining his face a moment. “What’s that? I don’t know if I’ll be able to tell you anything, but I’ll try.”

She leaned against the railing and said, “I hope I’m not overstepping here, but he got a migraine last night. Said it was pretty bad and it had me worried for a little bit there. I’m assuming it’s a result of the L2. I, uh, know a thing or two about implants. What I’m trying to figure out, though, is if there’s anything that can be done to mitigate them. I’m sure you guys have looked into that. It just...I dunno. I’ve been thinking about it all day and I have the seeds of an idea, but I have no medical training, so I could be way off base and it might not even be possible.”

His brow furrowed as he thought. “He never got them before the implant and there’ve been some studies Karen could tell you more about that link them. What are you thinking?”

“Well, from what I’ve read, the L2s don’t always distribute the electrical current correctly and the overload when they...glitch, for lack of a better term...is theorized to be what causes a lot of the issues in people fitted with them. So, I had the thought that it would be nice if they could be removed like the amp. That’s not possible; but then I thought, maybe it doesn’t need to be removed completely. Maybe the current just needs to be interrupted. It could possibly be done with a fine enough mass effect field, but that would require hardware and likely a VI to regulate it. I _think_ I could figure out a way to basically shield the implant without disrupting the nervous system itself, but I’d like to know I’m not completely off-base before I start trying to figure out something that’s doomed to failure from the get-go.” _Kaidan isn’t the only one who can ramble about tech for hours_ , she reflected in amusement _. I’m not too shabby at it myself. We. Are. Nerrrrds._

“Karen would know, but I think they did something similar to that in the L3 configurations. You might want to ask a neurosurgeon. I’m just an old flight medic. Get shot and I can probably keep you alive long enough to get you to a real doctor. Karen’s the smart one, not me.”

So, it might be possible. She grinned eagerly. “If it _did_ work and could be put into use… He’d be a stable L2 with no significant side effects. He wouldn’t have to risk losing the intensity of his biotics or any of the other risks that would come with retrofitting if he decided to do it. He’d be a juggernaut. I mean, he’s already _amazing_ , sir. I haven’t even gotten to see the full extent of what he can do, but what I _have_ seen is...he blows most L3s out of the water when he’s holding himself back. It’s _beautiful_. So, letting him keep that and taking away the pain it causes? That would be fantastic. I mean, I’d need help. Hardware isn’t as much my thing as software, but I could write a VI code that would be able to account for the different variables in play and...I’m rambling. You’ll never get back to the party if I don’t stop. I just...I guess I’m just excited about the idea. I...didn’t like seeing him in pain like that.”

“I think you’re the first person wasn’t on Alliance business I’ve heard say anything positive about his biotics. Most people are still afraid of them.”

She cocked her head. “Hm. You know, I never have understood the hesitation some people have about us. It isn’t magic. It’s a measurable capability. We know what biotics can and can’t do and I know that wasn’t _always_ true, but the prejudice still remains and that’s unfortunate. Especially for people who take that kind of thing and internalize it, feel like it’s something to be ashamed of.” She raised her hand and let her biotics flicker over her skin for a moment before tamping it out. “We’re harnessing dark energy here. That’s seriously cool.”

He grinned and finally, she saw his son in the way his eyes lit. “Yeah, it is. I always thought it was fascinating and pretty cool myself, even if I don’t fully understand it. It’s really sad that some people are afraid of what they don’t understand. Wish everyone looked at the world the way you do. Would you do that again? He doesn’t show them very often.”

He was a child trapped in an adult’s body, she realized with a spurt of amusement. It was kind of cute, really, how excited he got over such a little display. She’d be willing to bet he’d have been the kind of dad who went to all of Kaidan’s after-school events to cheer him on and would have been just as proud of him whether he’d chosen ballet or math team or hockey. It must have been nice to grow up with that kind of support. She collected dark energy in her hand and held it up, letting him watch it whisper over her skin.

“Would it hurt?” he asked. “If somebody touched you while you’re, uh, glowing?”

“No,” she said. “Not unless I want it to. Otherwise, it’s kind of like static.”

“That’s really fascinating. Never gets old, no matter how long I’m around it. Thank you, Lieutenant.” Mr. Alenko gave her a nod and went back inside.  

She turned her back to the door and laughed quietly to herself. If everyone else looked at the world the way she did, it would likely be a much _emptier_ place. He had no way of knowing that, though, so she accepted his words for what they meant, but the surprised amusement remained. She really _was_ rocking this normal thing, wasn’t she? She shook her head and smoothed out her features before returning inside to find Kaidan. She liked his dad.


	11. Baby, Give Me One More Night

Karen was bustling around the kitchen, wrapping the leftovers and tucking them away in the fridge after Kendra, Tom, Zane, and the baby had left. Kaidan leaned on his elbows on the island, watching her flow from surface to surface, wiping invisible crumbs and dumping them in the sink.

“I wish they’d let you stay longer, sweetheart. You aren’t taking enough care of yourself. Do you ever get a break?”

“Mama, my job is easy. Kate’s the one who’s going to be wishing for rest. N school is intense.”  

His mother closed the fridge with a sympathetic look on her face. “I barely recognized you when you came home after one of the cycles. You were so gaunt.” If Kaidan had gotten his smile from his father, he’d gotten his mother’s coloring and bone structure. She blocked the thoughts that tried to surface: did she look like one parent or the other? A good blend of the two of them? More like an unknown aunt or uncle or grandparent? Were her facial expressions her own?

“That was survival and POW school. They’ve moved it to N6 now and have put the leadership training course earlier,” he said. “It was certainly rough and I can tell you some things, but the details are classified.”

“Why would they do that?” Karen scrubbed a pan in the sink with a sponge, looking up at him. Red sat on one of the breakfast stools, watching the exchange.

“They don’t want students to be able to mentally prepare,” he explained. “It’s supposed to simulate the real experience of being captured by an enemy force and a big part of that is the mental game of not knowing what happens next or how far they’re allowed to go with you and the knowledge that people _have_ died during the training. By about day two, you’re beginning to see the cadre as the enemy and by day three or four, you’re mentally in it. You forget it’s training. You forget there’s an end date or you can ring out. You’re just trying to survive until you can find an opportunity to escape. The world turns into you, your battle buddy, and your misery. Even the cadre just fade into that last part. If you can survive N6, Kate, you’ll be ready for anything that gets thrown at you.”

“When do you go, again?” Karen asked.

“I leave tomorrow…” she said, pulling a flaming curl over her shoulder and twisting it in her fingers.  

Karen nodded. “You should take some of the food with you. No sense in letting it all go to waste. Kaidan won’t be able to finish it all before he goes back to base, and we’re going out of town for a few weeks. Would you like me to pack a cooler?”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that, Mrs. A...I wouldn’t know when I’d be able to get the cooler back to you.” It was a lame excuse and she knew the other woman knew it, too.  “Besides, there isn’t really room. I’m on a motorcycle.”

“Let me know if you change your mind. I’d be happy to send some with you. How long is your trip?”

“A couple of weeks if I just go straight to Rio, but I’m taking the scenic route. I’ve never had the opportunity to just explore.”

Kaidan gave her a warm smile. “I’m a little jealous. I always wanted to see the Grand Canyon or maybe some ancient ruins in South America. Climb a mountain, look down at the clouds below…”  

She cocked her head to the side, thinking. It wouldn’t be hard to swing by a few places, not really. They were all technically on the way. Straight lines were for offensive maneuvers and chess games, not road trips. “I’ll send you holos. Keep you updated on my progress.”

“I’d like that.” They shared another shy grin and his mother raised her eyebrows, glancing between them.

“Maybe you two should plan a trip together at some point. Take a vacation,” Karen suggested. Red’s stomach clenched. _Too much. That’s long-term._ Please _understand that, K… Don’t put me on the spot here._

“Mama…” he rubbed the back of his neck. _Oh, thank gods._ “Our schedules won’t match up. She’ll be busy with training, too. I’ve no doubts she’s going to make it all the way. That takes almost a year.”

“You could go visit between cycles if your downtime matches up,” Karen said. “The roads go both ways and so do shuttles.” Now, _that_ was an idea… She’d have to think about it.

“We’ll see,” he said. “There are too many variables right now.”

“There will always be ‘variables’, dear. You have to learn to work around them.”

“That sounds like something in a self-help book,” he teased. “Do you get your ‘wise mom’ sayings from a pocket guide?”

“Says the guy who spouted off stuff like that every chance he got at school,” Red broke in with a smirk.

“Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” he snorted. Both women laughed at that.

“And my point: proven,” Red gestured to him, laughing again.

He rolled his eyes. “I should have known you two would gang up on me. It always happens.”

“I _like_ her,” Karen said with a smile, turning back to the fridge and rearranging some of the items before pulling out a water bottle. Mr. Alenko re-emerged from down the hall, joining them at the island. “She can keep up with you.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes again, groaning. “Please. _Stop_ …”

Red clapped a hand to her mouth, trying not to giggle. She did not _giggle_. Especially at a grown man being reduced to a stereotypical teenager by his parents.  

“Sorry, Kaidan. You set us up so well. I think it’s that time, Karen. Your precious kitchen is clean. I promise. Come on, sweetheart.” Mr. Alenko pulled his wife to him and kissed the top of her head. “I’m sure they have other things they’d rather be doing than politely putting up with either of us. Like...packing.”

Her cheeks went hot. Next, they were going to outright call her his _girlfriend_ and ask when the wedding was. Nope.

“Dad. Seriously.” Kaidan stood up, fixing both his parents with a ‘look’. “Please stop embarrassing her.”

“It’s my job. Have fun, you two. Text your mother when you’re settled in on base, Kaidan. It was very nice to meet you, Kate. Good luck. You’ll need it.”

The heat faded and she gave him a smile as she chuckled. “Thanks, sir. I’m sure I will. It was nice to meet you, too. Both of you.”

Karen wrapped her arms tightly around Kaidan and squeezed. Kaidan returned the hug, drawing back to grin down at her. “I’ll be home again in a few weeks, Mama.”

“I’ll still miss you.” She released him with a sigh, then rounded on Kate. Before she knew what was happening, Karen had enclosed her in a tight hug as well. She stiffened and her eyes widened, imploring Kaidan to help. Mr. Alenko laughed, catching the expression on her face. “Safe travels, sweetheart. Let us know if you need anything. We can send it if you need us to.”

Kaidan wasn’t the only one who could take her off-guard, it seemed. Red’s throat tightened and she softened a bit in Karen’s embrace, patting her awkwardly on the back. That was such a _mom_ thing to say. Is this what it felt like? Damn, he was a lucky guy. She’d never had anyone but Thane to turn to for help for something like that. She was used to relying on herself. What must it be like to know you had a support group just waiting to jump in like that? “Thanks, Mrs. A. I appreciate it.”

“You’re very welcome. Feel free to come back any time,” his mom said with one last hug. She and Mr. Alenko left, leaving the two of them in a spotless kitchen and deafening quiet.

“So.”

“So…” She exhaled a long sigh and rolled her head on her shoulders, reveling in the expansive quiet. She could _breathe_ again.

Kaidan grinned. “You survived. Was it as harrowing as you thought it would be?”

It hadn’t been terrible, she supposed. Kind of nice, actually. “I’m just not used to being around that many people I don’t know. Wasn’t as awkward as I’d expected. Your dad and I had a nice talk. I need a minute to decompress and I’ll be good. I was going to go smoke. Wanna come with?”

“Sure. After you.” He gestured her towards the sliding door, shutting off lights and lamps as they went. The increasing darkness surrounded them, cozy and intimate.

She leaned against the railing, facing the water, and pulled a cigarette from her pack, the flare of the lighter temporarily blocking out the twinkle of lights on the bay. She took a drag and relaxed against the rail, making sure to blow her smoke away from him. She was going to need to brush her teeth if the night ended the way she hoped it would. Tasting like cigarettes had to be unpleasant for non-smokers. “Did you get to talk to Kendra?”

“Yeah, she understood. We both know how Zane is. He’s the last of Mama’s family, so she lets him get away with anything.” He leaned against the railing and cocked his head to the side, looking out over the water.

“Leah’s a cute kid, by the way,” she said, flicking the dangling ash over the balcony before it could fall. “And I’m glad you guys got to make up. Sure it made you feel better, too. Sucks when the past comes up out of the blue to bite you in the ass.”

“Yeah. Just when you think everything is going the way it should and you think it’s finally gone, it pops up to remind you it could all fall away in an instant and you are less in control than you want to be.”

“Exactly,” she said, tossing the cigarette away and leaning the side of her head against his shoulder.  

“Well, hello,” he murmured, looping an arm around her shoulders and trailing his fingers over her skin.

She breathed in the night air, content. This was nice. “Hey, yourself. Thanks for inviting me. This was...informative. Kinda nice, getting to see it, be included in it for a little while.”

“Yeah. There’s never a dull moment. So...did you want to head back to the hotel? Hang out for a little while? What do you want to do?”

“Well, I hadn’t planned on going back to the hotel, exactly. Not alone, anyway. How about yourself?”

“I didn’t want to assume anything.” He leaned into her again. “I’d enjoy the company.”

She grinned up at him. “I was hoping you’d say that.” She slid an arm around his waist and turned him to face her.

“Oh?” He rested his forearms on her shoulders, eyes glittering darkly in the night.

“Mmhm.” She trailed her hands up his chest, toying with the fabric of his shirt as she went, and wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. “So...you speak Spanish, hmm? That was kinda hot. I noticed the other day, too, but forgot to ask.”

“ _Sí. Un poco. No soy fluido._ ” [Yes. Only a little. I’m not fluent.] He bit his lower lip a moment, then continued. “Jaime and Lolita taught me. I picked up a hint of what sounded like Italian from you.”

“It’s my first language, sort of,” she explained. “I just don’t use it often because I’m generally around English speakers. Comes out around kids, though, or if I get _really_ pissed off or flustered. Don’t really realize I’m doing it then. And, uh, during sex on occasion if I’m...distracted enough.” She grinned up at him with a snicker. “I _was_ thinking Spanish might be hot to hear in bed, but if you’re capable of translating into a second language, I’m doing something wrong.”

He chuckled darkly and took a step backwards, pulling her with him. “I’d say so.”

“ _Portarmi in camera da letto. Voglio sentirti sulla mia pelle_.”

“Mm. That sounds...appealing. I would prefer not to be on camera, but I’m guessing that’s not a cognate.” He hit the door latch and got them through the opening, deftly pulling her around and putting her back against the glass. “Is it?”

She laughed breathlessly, biting her lip and looking up at him. “No. It’s, ah, a false cognate. Means ‘room’. What I said was ‘Take me to the bedroom. I want to feel you on my skin.’ Cameras aren’t really my thing. Not _that_ much of an exhibitionist,” she added with a wink.

“Fortunately, we’re high enough up no one can see in the windows,” he replied softly, leaning in to press his lips gently along her jaw.

She tilted her head back and ran her fingers through his thick hair. “I’m going to need to brush my teeth. Probably taste like an ashtray.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything,” he murmured against her skin, nipping lightly on her earlobe.

“Meh, I figure if I’m going to do it, I might as well try to be considerate about it. Besides, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it more if you’re not trying to avoid kissing me because I’m gross. So...let me just make a detour and then we can continue.”

“I’ll meet you in the bedroom. I need to finish closing up around here, anyway.”

“Sounds like a plan, LT.” She slipped out from between him and the glass, running her hand lightly across his waist as she did, and made her way to the bathroom. At this rate, she was going to need to replace his mother’s supply of spares. She brushed her teeth and washed her hands before going to the bedroom in search of him.

He was standing next to the bed and messing with a datapad on his nightstand, shirt untucked when she found him. She went to him and slid her arms around his waist from behind, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Working?”

“Mm. Hey. No, just checking my orders. Want to make sure I’ll be on time, have everything set. The usual boring routine.” He leaned back into her arms, replacing the datapad on the surface of the nightstand.

“Ah, responsibility. Ain’t it a bitch?” she teased, kissing down the part of his spine she could reach before laying the side of her face against him. “So...last night here. Tomorrow, you’re back to work and I’m heading halfway down the world. Gonna be a _long_ drive,” she said softly. Another first. She’d never had to say goodbye to a lover before. It was...kinda sad, really. Hard to believe it was over. She’d been comforted by the knowledge that she would be leaving, but now that it was here, she wasn’t looking forward to morning.  Fuckin’ fairy tales.

He twisted in her arms, bringing them face to chest. “Yes, but we don’t have to be responsible until tomorrow.”

“Too true,” she hummed in agreement, tilting her head up and resting her chin on his sternum. His eyes crinkled in the corner in that special way they did when he smiled as he met her lips in a soft kiss. It was comfortable and warm, unassuming but with a hint of something more if she wanted it. She melted into it, tightening her arms around him to hold him close. There was still too much between them, though, so she tugged impatiently at her shirt. She wanted to feel all of him before she couldn’t anymore.

He struggled briefly out of his shirt, popping the line of buttons and rolling it off his shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. His undershirt quickly followed. She swiftly stripped her boots off and popped the button on her pants, leaning forward to run her lips across his bare chest as she shoved the garment to the floor. When she was fully undressed, she wrapped her arms around his neck again, burying her face against it and pressing her body against his.

 _I don’t want to go. I want to stay right here_. A passing thought brought on by hormones, nothing more, and a foolish one at that, but gods help her, she was in trouble. She _could_ if she wanted. She could turn down the invitation. She could trade a lifetime of combat for something warm and comforting and _normal_. It might not be him, but she at least now thought she might be capable of it. And, really, he was the first person who’d ever made her even _consider_ it. She didn’t know what he wanted and she wasn’t making assumptions, but she could picture it so damn easily. She might not ever be able to tell him everything, but he still _got_ her in enough ways to make it comfortable. She turned her head and kissed him, trying to drink him in.

The mattress seemed to rise up to meet her as he kissed her deeper, pushing her backwards until she floated. His lips ghosted down her throat to her collarbone, raising goosebumps in their wake. This whole thing with him being _tender_ and _caring_ while they fucked even when they were being dirty took it to a whole other level. It actually goddamn _meant something_ now. He covered her body with his, almost reverently, and wasn’t that just a whole other thing, too. She fumbled with the button on his jeans, hands slightly trembling. Whatever made Kaidan take his time with her, it put a level of importance on their actions that put her running on sand dunes.  

He gave a soft moan in her ear and tilted his hips up, giving her room to shove them down his thighs. And then that tattoo of his was under her fingers, blooms dancing in the darkness as he kicked the rest of his clothing off. That was probably the biggest surprise of all, finding that little beauty. He definitely wasn’t the first marine with ink, but holy _fuck_...it trailed so perfectly over his torso, creating an ideal path for her mouth and the clear meaning behind it if you knew where it came from was just so _Kaidan_.

She blinked, coming out of her thoughts as he stretched across her and rummaged in his drawer, pulling out the silvery little packet that was their world tonight. A low moan came from him as she kissed his chest, drawing her lips over a nipple. Kaidan settled back between her legs, half grin playing on his lips while he dragged a finger down her skin. She hooked her legs around his and drew him down for a kiss, long and deep. She managed to flip them over onto his back and slipped the condom out of his hand, too.  

She traced her nails down his chest, chasing the raised skin with her lips and kissing the petals on one of the blooms. No way in hell was she missing a chance to give it the attention it deserved. Her tongue delicately traced the branches, painting an invisible double of it that was all her own. _Mine…_ For tonight, at least, she was going to pretend that she could keep him, that this life could be hers, that she could fit into it. Just for tonight, the fuckin’ fairy tale was going to be hers.

Sharp golden eyes watched her as she rolled the condom on, kissing the covered tip for good measure before crawling back up his body. He chuckled, sound resonating in his chest as he hugged her to him. “Smooth,” he murmured before placing a soft kiss on her lips.

“Like you were complaining?” she teased back.

“Not at _all_ …”

He managed to tangle his legs with hers and flipped them again. She wriggled underneath him, fighting the urge to goddamn _giggle_ again--what the hell was it about him that made her want to fucking do _that_?--and the breath caught in her throat at the sudden realization that her arms were now above her head, both wrists wrapped in one large hand while he kissed a line of warm kisses down her neck.

“ _Ohhh_...oh, gods, _Kaidan!_ ” she moaned, her body curling up into his, one leg wrapping around his waist. Rational thought fled, leaving her wrapped in a cocoon of sensation in which nothing existed but him and her. Her head fell back, exposing the line of her throat to the heat of his mouth.

“ _Mmph_...ready?” he breathed, angling himself at her entrance.

“Gods, Kaidan, _per favore!_ ” she groaned, moving against him. She needed him. _Now_.

The man didn’t have to be told twice, thank the gods. The moan in her ear when they were fully joined did things low in her stomach she didn’t think were even possible. She released a shuddering exhale and wrapped her legs around his waist, holding him still. Her lips brushed softly over his ear before she nuzzled the side of his face with his own. This, right here, was perfection.

“You okay?” he whispered after a moment, concern lining his forehead. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No,” she answered quietly, loosening her grip on his waist. “Just...wanted to savor the moment. We’re good.”

“Ok…”

The word was soft, barely heard as she lost herself to him. Warm kisses, breathy sighs, moments that stretched into forever and were over in a blink all at once washed over her. They moved together, bodies melding. This wasn’t like even the first time they had sex. She almost laughed at herself; she thought _that_ was making love? No. _This_. This was what all those fuckin’ love songs were about. Her biotics played out, seeking, and his flared in return, wrapping her in warmth. She couldn’t tell where she ended and he began, and then he _moved_ a certain way and she couldn’t breathe a moment; suddenly, she could move her arms and all her fingers and toes melted away into one giant _thing_ , and so did he, and she clutched him to her, fingers digging into his hand.  

Kaidan sighed deeply and brushed the edge of his nose along her cheek, relaxing next to her. She leaned into him, attempting to regain enough control over her body to move her limbs. Contentment flooded warmly through her and she rolled to face him, tucking her head onto his chest so that she could hear his heartbeat. His chin came to rest against the top of her head and his arms wrapped around her, grounding her even as she floated. So, this was what fairy tales were all about…


	12. Ain't No Fuckin' Fairy Tale

Red woke with her back to Kaidan’s chest, having turned at some point during the night. The fact that she’d fallen asleep without something against her back at all was surprising. He was still asleep and his deep, even breaths stirred the tangled hair at the base of her neck. A glance at her omni-tool told her they were running out of time. She didn’t want to waste what little they had left lying in bed while he slept.

She doubted he’d mind if she raided his kitchen. She still wasn’t a great cook, but Thane liked breakfast and had made sure she had a few tools in her kit in that regard. The least she could do after everything he’d done for her was make breakfast. She’d already learned that he woke up ravenous. Coffee would be nice, too.

He didn’t wake, so she dressed in his shirt before going to the kitchen and searching through the cabinets and cooler for what she needed. When she located all of it, she turned music on her omni-tool and fetched a set of earbuds from her jacket. One thing she’d discovered she enjoyed about the South when she’d been there for OCS was their music. The XO on the _Trafalgar_ had caught her listening to it and teased her for two days for liking country music, but she’d never let the opinions of others sway her before. She certainly wouldn’t allow it when it came to her music preferences. New music was jarring. The classics were where it was at.

She picked something smooth with a lazy rhythm she could rock her hips to and laid out her supplies like she was cleaning her weapons. Her fingers itched for her guitar, but it was in storage along with her bike. She hummed through the first verse as she cracked the eggs and whipped them up in a bowl. She began singing the chorus under her breath as she divided out the flour. By the second verse, she was lost in the task. “ _I've looked for love in all the same old places. Found the bottom of a bottle always dry. But when you poured out your heart, I didn't waste it, 'cause there's nothing like your love to get me high._ ”

She mixed the ingredients together and spooned the resulting batter into the pan she’d put on the stove to heat. “ _You're as smooth as Tennessee whiskey._ ” She hoped Kaidan liked pancakes. She’d noted an open container of real maple syrup in the pantry and hadn’t been able to resist. She’d leave enough credits to cover the food she was requisitioning. “ _You're as sweet as strawberry wine._ ”

The disks of batter began to bubble, so she flipped the cakes, happily noting the golden-brown shade she’d accomplished. “ _You're as warm as a glass of brandy._ ” She removed the pancakes from the pan and heaped them on a plate, wondering if she’d made enough for two biotics. She shrugged. What the hell did she know about cooking breakfast for a man? The only people she’d ever cooked for were the Reds. She had a feeling K would be more appreciative than they had been, though. “ _And honey, I stay stoned on your love all the time._ ” He really was a sweetheart. What the hell was he doing slumming it with her? And what the hell was she going to do with him?

“Hey there…” Said sweetheart had dragged himself out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen area, hair tousled. “Missed you when I woke up. You left without waking me.” He gave her a half smile as he edged past her and grabbed the orange juice out of the fridge.

“Didn’t have the heart. You were still sleeping,” she said, sliding over to give him room and popping her earbuds out. “I didn’t want to wake you. Figured I’d get you up when breakfast was ready.”

He chuckled. “Ah, well, _thank you_ , but next time, wake me.”

She slid the last pancake onto the plate and turned to face him, bracing her hands behind her on the counter with an eyebrow raised. “‘Next time,’ hmm?” The idea wasn’t as terrifying as it should have been. She’d already accepted this wasn’t her typical one-and-done. Revisiting it in the future wouldn’t be a bad thing as long as he didn’t have expectations she couldn’t meet.

“Well, I probably shouldn’t assume, but I’m not opposed to this happening again. And I would hazard a guess you’re amicable to the idea.” He peered into the carton of juice. “You want any?”

“If there’s enough for two,” she answered. “Otherwise, I have coffee. And, no, I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea, either. But...like you pointed out, it’s a long time if I do manage to go all the way. A lot can change in a year. I don’t want you to feel obligated or like you can’t back out if something does change or like you have to wait for me. I don’t have any expectations. Hopes, sure, but no expectations.”

“I can share,” he said, pulling out a small glass and filling it halfway before sliding it next to her on the island. He put the carton to his lips and tossed back the remainder of the juice, muscles in his abdomen stretching. A show just for her, and what a show it was. He rinsed out the empty carton and chucked it in the recycling under the counter, turning back to face her. Her eyes trailed over him for a moment before she picked up the glass and took a sip.

“So can I,” she said, offering it to him.

“I don’t think we’re talking about orange juice,” he replied softly, sliding his fingers over hers and taking a small sip himself before placing it back on the counter. “We’re soldiers stationed apart. I don’t have any expectations of commitments or exclusivity.”

 _Screw it_. Pancakes could wait. She used his waistband to tug him closer, wrapping her arms around his waist, and tilted her head back to look up at him. Her fingers trailed under the edge of his shirt, skimming over his lower back. “You don’t seem hungry for breakfast yet,” she teased.

“Oh no?” he murmured, resting his hands on her hips. “What would I be hungry for, then?”

“No idea…” she whispered, pressing her lips against his sternum and sliding her hands up his spine, fingers splaying over the ridges of muscle lining it. “Though, I could think of some alternatives.”

“Mm. You’re insatiable,” he chuckled as he slipped his hands under the hem of her shirt. “And full of surprises...no underwear? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were planning something.”

“Didn’t see the point,” she said with a grin. “Was hoping I wouldn’t keep them on for long anyway.”

“I think I can accommodate.”

“I was also hoping you’d say that,” she teased, backing up with him until her back hit the counter. He followed willingly, leaning down to nip her ear. The granite was a cold line against her back and she gasped, arching away from it and pressing their chests together.

She drew her hands over his ribcage, her fingers finding and tracing a thin, silvered line of a scar trailing the bone on his right side that she’d somehow missed during her earlier search for tattoos. She’d bet good credits it had come from a blade of some sort. _Interesting_ …. Had that come along with his ‘little trouble’? Perhaps it had been more serious than she’d thought. She tucked that tidbit of information into the back of her mind for later perusal and left the scar behind to feather her fingertips through the line of hair below his navel.  His muscles bunched nicely under her touch, goosebumps sprinkling across his golden skin as he exhaled softly against her neck.  

Soft kisses trailed from her collarbone up behind her ear, making her tilt her head to give him better access. She dipped her fingers below the waistband of his pants, continuing to follow the path of sparse black down. His skin was warm and almost silky in her hand as she wrapped her fingers around him. Kaidan groaned in her ear, low and deep. “ _Mmph_...”      

Her stomach fluttered at the sound. She slowly stroked him, lightly running her thumb over the head. He canted his hips forward in her hand, bracing himself against the counter. His weight pressed her harder into the granite edge and it wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world, but it had certain implications that let her forget the momentary discomfort. She reluctantly released him, hopping up onto the countertop to lean over the bar and retrieve a condom from the jacket draped over a breakfast stool, the motion causing his shirt to ride up over her hip.

Strong fingers gripped her thighs and dragged her to the edge of the cold surface. There was an undefinable edge to his touch, different than last night, different than even their first night together. The kisses along her neck were almost rushed. Desperate. That was an odd thing. She’d never known him to be desperate about anything. Granted, she supposed she really didn’t know that much about him, even after all the new discoveries and insights the past few days had given her. She gripped his chin between her thumb and forefinger, bringing him eye to eye, and their gazes locked. He blinked after a moment, carefully blank.

She stroked her thumb over his chin, swallowing hard against the hot lump that formed in her throat. _This could be it. Last time. Never had a ‘last time’ before…. Huh. So that’s why people hold onto each other at ship out._ She slid her hand across his jaw, tangling her fingers in his hair. She’d intended to be gentle, but the moment his lips met hers, she needed more. She nipped his lower lip, groaning against his mouth as she tried to drink him in.

He relaxed into her arms, kissing her back with just as much enthusiasm. It probably wasn’t lost on him, either, that this was ‘it’. Whatever ‘it’ was. Was it the end? Just a beginning? _Fuck_...she didn’t want to think about anything at the moment but Kaidan between her legs. That was about as much mental clarity as she wanted to allow herself in the present situation. She preferred to focus instead on the heat of his body, the play of his fingers over her thighs, the taste of orange juice on his tongue. Unfortunately, the cold counter was numbing her ass and digging into her thighs. This was not one of her better ideas. She scooted forward and wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Can we, ah, take this somewhere else?” she murmured against his lips. “Granite counters and bare asses are not a sexy combination, it seems.”

“Can’t imagine why…” he chuckled, shifting his hands around her thighs to carry her. “Where?”

“Don’t care, just somewhere that won’t freeze my ass off and I can have you inside me.” She leaned into his chest, arms wrapped securely around his neck with the condom between her fingers. His hands underneath her and having their chests pressed together created an intimate warmth that started to thaw the chill.

I like the way you think…” he murmured against her lips. There was still a bit of tightness in his expression when he drew back. His gaze slid to the side, scouting possible spots if she had to guess. She would also hazard a guess he was also feeling the unspoken tension of ‘the last time’.

She played with the hair at the back of his head and said in a hushed voice, “I think we both might need to think a little less.”

“I think you might be right.” The words were quiet, whispering against her lips as he laid her down on the rug in front of the sofa. Her hair spilled around her in a fiery halo, morning light setting it ablaze.

She drew a fingertip over the line of golden skin above the collar of his shirt before running her hand down his chest to catch the hem. She needed to feel his skin against hers. If this was the last time, she wanted to experience all of it. Her hands splayed over his waist, gliding up and carrying the fabric with them. Goosebumps trailed in their wake and he moaned softly when her thumbs grazed his nipples, toying with the metal beads on either side of them. “You’re overdressed,” she whispered.

Kaidan peeled off his shirt and flung it over his shoulder, not looking where it landed. She drank in the sight of the expanse of bare skin and ran her hands over his broad shoulders before tugging him down to her again. Muscle played under her fingertips as she stroked them down the line of his spine to slip them beneath the waistband of his pajama pants. _Gods, I’m going to miss that ass._ The pants melted away under her hands as she bared him to her, feeling him spring free against her. She plucked the condom from where it had fallen on the rug and ripped it open. Screw sensuality. She needed this last connection. _Now_ , before it faded away.

Kaidan exhaled sharply at her hands on him, burying his face in her neck while she put it on him. She guided him to her entrance, wrapping her legs around his and arching herself to meet his body. “Fuck me, Kaidan…”

Strong fingers dug into her thighs again as their bodies were joined, another connection point between them, and she yanked her own shirt off. Skin to skin. That’s what she needed. “Gods, I _need_ you, K.”

They both blinked at that, pausing a moment, and then he smiled. He kissed her, slow and thorough. The muscles of his ass flexed under her hands as he withdrew and began to thrust deep and fast into her. The difference from the times before struck her again. She felt as if he was trying to _consume_ her, to forget where he ended and she began. Her fingers dug into his ass, pulling him closer until there wasn’t room for breath between their bodies. The dichotomy was dizzying, fucked and cherished at the same time.

His hands on her hips anchored her. Grounded her firmly in the moment, holding her in the present. The comfortable mingling of his biotics with hers only furthered the idea. She’d never really had that before. It was strange but not _unpleasant_ ...and that was probably the most surprising revelation of the past few days: finding out someone actually _could_ connect, and be there, and that she might actually _want_ them there.

“ _Kaidan_ …” she groaned against his lips, releasing his ass to bury her hands in his hair. The tightness was back in her throat, competing with the heat blooming in her core. She needed... _something_ she couldn’t identify, something more than just release. He shuddered at his name, nipping her ear and kissing his way down to her collarbone. Feeling his reaction sent another stab of sheer _need_ through her and she increased the pace, almost frantic. She _needed_ him, like she needed fucking _air_ to breathe. He matched her, hips meeting every peak and shift of her body, reading her movement. _Just like riding the bike_. Still, that unidentifiable need clawed at her.

She took his hand, twining their fingers together to bring it up to the back of her head. His were the only hands she’d had on her amp since it had been installed. She wasn’t certain it would be pleasant, but perhaps it would send a message. She walked their fingers through her hair until they reached her implant site and drew back to look him in the eye as she very deliberately brushed his thumb over it. She gasped as sparks flew over her skin and lightning raced through her body, following the path of her eezo nodes. _Holy fuck..._ Dark energy crackled, grasping for his. “Oh, gods, _Kaidan_!”

Blue miasma sparked around them as his biotics enveloped her, his fingers tangling in her hair. He molded his body around hers, tugging down on her flaming curls. Her lips parted on a gasp and her eyes rolled back as her toes curled almost painfully. She thought she made some sound, but couldn’t have translated it into any language if she did, because words were gone. He shivered and sighed under her hands, weight increasing on top of her as he relaxed little by little.  

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked, tracing his fingers over the pink skin of her inner thighs. “I didn’t mean to be that rough.”

She took his chin between her thumb and forefinger and turned him to face her, brow furrowing as she examined him. “Kaidan. I like it like that,” she said gently. “I would like it if you did it intentionally. If it’s not something you’re okay with, though, I won’t ask for it again. We stay within your comfort zone, alright?”

There was a little glint in his eyes at that. Maybe it was the cool morning light from the windows, but she suspected there was something else behind it. “Alright,” he agreed, just as softly. “We’ll see what happens and where it takes us.” She thought she saw a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth before he closed the distance between them and kissed her. Just a delicate press of lips on lips, almost chaste but with an edge of teeth on her lower lip. There if she wanted to notice it. A thread of danger wrapped in comfort.

She’d forgotten for a moment that they’d reached their deadline. There might not be a next time to worry about. She might not ever see him again, no matter what they said now. The realization slammed into her like a charge. She placed her hands on his shoulders to push him onto his back, kissing him back hard and deep as she she swung a leg over to straddle him. She didn’t want to let go. She wanted to stay right here in this moment.

She tore her lips from his and buried her face in his shoulder, clinging to him like she could make the clock stop. _Story of my fucking life, right?_ Find something she wanted, have it within her grasp, and feel it torn away. It made no difference that she’d known this was coming or that she’d known he wasn’t hers to keep. She wasn’t ready to let it go. His arms wrapped around her and she sighed.

“Hey…” His voice was a quiet rumble in his chest, vibrating between them. Soothing as a glass of whiskey in a smoky bar. _Not fair that he can be so calm while I’m flying the fuck apart_.

“Sorry. Just hit me...never had to do this before. A little overwhelming,” she muttered against his shoulder.

“ICT is a big thing. It _should_ be overwhelming, but you’ll do great.”  

Oh, yeah. ICT. She’d forgotten that, too. She opened her mouth to correct him, but changed her mind. He was completely missing the point. Or maybe it just didn’t mean the same thing to him. She was overreacting, feeling it too intensely because it was a new experience and because where there _weren’t_ connections, she felt nothing at all. Her reactions were cognitive, not emotional, burned away with the bodies of the children and the rest of the Reds. That’s what she was comfortable with. This was new. A connection where she’d thought she couldn’t make them anymore. That was all.

She didn’t need to be acting like a damn military wife before a long deployment. This wasn’t like that. She collected herself and sat up. He cupped her cheek and brushed his thumb up the line of bone to her hair, a sad half smile on his lips. Maybe he wasn’t missing the point. She sighed, a matching curl of lips forming on her face as she smoothed a hand over his chest.

“ICT. Yeah. It’s, ah...it’ll be interesting, all right.” She wasn’t worried about it. Just another school. It would suck ass, she was sure, but she could handle it. _This_ was the challenge. No fucking fairy tale endings here.

“‘Up ahead they's a thousan' lives we might live, but when it comes it'll on'y be one,’” he whispered. “We’ll get through it.”

She nodded, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue and rolling them together. _Fuck_ , this was so much harder than it should be. She should be able to just get up, throw her clothing on, say goodbye, and _go_ . It had only been a few days. It shouldn’t have felt like she’d known him her entire life. She needed to go. He had to get back to base and she had a drive ahead of her. If she wanted any chance of making her first stop on time, she needed to get on the road before morning faded into noon. _Five more minutes...Then I’ll go._ She leaned down and rested her head on his shoulder again, listening to the comforting beat of his heart.


	13. Edge of the World

_525 Kilometers from Vancouver_

A strange hollowness accompanied Red through Vancouver and south into North America. It was a milder version of what she’d felt day after day walking into the empty house in Chicago. This thing with Kaidan, whatever it was, was new and fragile and now she was leaving it behind, hopefully for nine months to a year if all went well and she made it through N1 and was invited to return for subsequent courses. The disconnect was jarring and uncomfortable. On the one hand, she wanted ICT more than anything and craved N7 status like it was a drug. On the other, she also wanted to stay and see this thing with Kaidan through.

Perhaps space was for the best, though. In only a few days, they’d gone farther than she’d been prepared to go with anyone. She’d been able to handle it _because_ there was a set point where progression would be slowed if not halted altogether. They were limited on how deep they could get simply because she was leaving. If she stayed, that natural firebreak would be gone. Given free access to fuel, they would burn each other up. He would drag her into the flames and she would allow it because she seemed to have no real resistance to him other than shutting him out completely, which she didn’t want to do. They would combust and would either burn themselves out or she would simply consume him. This sense of loss was a hormone drop. Nothing more.

Even _if_ she was willing to attempt a real relationship with him, she couldn’t see herself being satisfied with only one person for any extended period of time. Her desires were too variable and even as a child, she’d been unable to understand the societal insistence that two people were required to meet every one of each other’s needs. That made no sense to her and was far too much pressure on one person. She could almost guarantee that Kaidan, however, didn’t see things the way she did.

He might be okay with her fucking around when they were apart while they were undefined and might even do it himself, though one-night stands weren’t his forte, but if they instituted a label, he would likely insist on monogamy merely because that was how he had been raised. She highly doubted he would be all right with his girlfriend going elsewhere to get laid. And while the idea of a relationship with more than one person was so far outside the realm of probability as to be almost a moot point, she would still want the _option_. He wouldn’t give that to her. Monogamy wasn’t on the table for her, but she could almost guarantee that it would be a requirement for him and she couldn’t see herself as a cheater. Yet another problem for which there was no easy solution.

It was a moot point anyway. The party the night before should have made it all too clear that she had no place in his life. His family was a beautiful thing to behold. What he had was beyond even her wildest childhood dreams. Perhaps there was a world where she could have fit into it, but she didn’t belong there. He would want that for himself someday and she couldn’t give that to him. Seeing him with little Leah...no. Even the baby had known she wasn’t cut out for that. She’d had her chance a dozen times over and they’d wound up dead because of her. She didn’t deserve another one. He was too good for her and that was that.

Didn’t mean a part of her didn’t _want_ it. It was a fucking fairy tale. Of course, she’d want it at least a little. He was so _normal_. If she had him, maybe she could be normal, too. Maybe she could pretend for long enough that it became true. _Fake it till you make it, right?_ Did that even work with people like her? It didn’t really matter. They’d only had a few days together. It wasn’t like he was going to wait for her. She was the one overthinking it this time. This week would be one she’d look back on when things got tough at ICT or beyond and wonder what might have been. He was a potential future that would remain unexplored.     

She’d planned her route to take her past places she’d never seen before and had decided to incorporate his wish list into it. So, when she saw the sign for her first stop, she exited the freeway and turned the bike onto a winding mountain road that required concentration to maneuver and took her mind off of thoughts of things that would never be. The road ended at a lookout point, but she realized after only a few moments that it wasn’t close enough, so she grabbed an MRE and a bottle of water from her pack and set off down the narrow trail leading toward the peak. It was still early enough she should be able to get there and back before dark and she needed to run today anyway.

Tall evergreens buffered the rutted trailhead, filtering the sunlight through the greenery so that it dappled the ground. Where it shined through, the air was warm, but chill settled in the shadows. She ran at a steady pace, breathing in the clean scent of the pines. This was an entirely different world from the concrete forest she’d grown up in. What little she knew about wild places came from land nav courses in OCS. The forests down South were different, hot and muggy and bug-riddled, rather than this crisp, refreshing wonderland.

At times, the trail blended so seamlessly with the ground that she was left wending her way through trees, hoping that she wouldn’t stray too far off the path. Others, it was clearly delineated and pointed the way ever upward. The higher she ran, the shorter the trees grew and the taller the underbrush until finally, she reached the end of the treeline. Up she climbed, leaving the green behind to scramble over rock falls and clamber past boulders perched precariously on the side of the mountain.

If she kept her back to the valley below, she could almost imagine that she was on Mars at first and then on Luna as red and brown gave way to gray and black. Snowdrifts lazily wended their way through dips in the face. The clouds grew closer until they surrounded her. She stopped and turned a full circle in the gray, feeling as if she was the only person left on the planet. This kind of solitude was almost impossible to find in a world packed with eleven billion people.

She broke through the clouds and turned back, reaching into the mist with a bare hand.

 _I held a cloud today._ Not the kind of poetic thought she was accustomed to thinking. Sounded more like something Thane or Kaidan would come up with. Certainly the type of thing they would appreciate. She snapped a picture with her omni-tool and continued up as rock turned to sand and snow crunched under her boots. Her feet slipped more than once, but she pushed on and then the ground in front of her ended. Nowhere left to go but down into the frozen crater. For once, the cold didn’t bother her.

She took a holo with her omni-tool, turning slowly to capture the entire panorama. Clouds lay like blankets over the rolling terrain below. Other peaks loomed on the horizon, snow-capped and distant. She was on top of the world, and as usual, she was alone. For the first time, though, she didn’t want to be. She wanted him here, whether she could fit into his world or not. _Momentary lapse in judgment,_ she told herself. Foolish, but ultimately forgivable, right? She’d just left him that morning. It was understandable that he would be on her mind, wasn’t it? Rio was still so very far away. She had plenty of time to get her head on straight. For the moment, she could indulge.

_K_

_Standing on the summit of Mount St. Helens. On top of the world. Ice and fire beneath my feet. Images attached, but don’t do it justice. How’s_ your _day?_

_-x-_

_Kate_

_P.S. We forgot the pancakes…._

Later that night, sequestered in a nondescript hotel in the wrong Vancouver, she lay on her back on the bed, remembering the last hotel she’d been in and the arms that had been around her. They’d actually remembered breakfast that day. It had been cold by the time they’d gotten to it, but they hadn’t minded. This bed felt too big and too empty. She curled up against the headboard and scrolled through her omni-tool, trying to quiet her mind enough to sleep. It chimed and a message popped up.

_Kate,_

_Better now that I’ve heard from you. The pictures are amazing. It looks like your trip is going well. Life here is routine. The new cycle of students will settle in soon enough. I still want to get a tour ship-side, though. I miss seeing the stars._

_Kaidan_

_P.S.  Worth it_

She closed her ‘tool and fell asleep with a smile on her face.  

 

* * *

 

_2,183 Kilometers_

Kate pulled the bike into one of the many parking spots at the entrance to the national park in Arizona. By the time she’d hung her helmet on the handlebar and engaged the security VI, Thane had materialized from the shadows beneath a tree. Warmth flooded her at the sight of him. She hadn’t realized just how much she’d wanted to see him. It had been far too long. She’d messaged him after leaving Oregon and he’d offered to meet her for an afternoon, saying he wanted to see a desert. She was going to do him one better and mark another box off Kaidan’s wishlist.  

“Drala’fa,” he said in greeting.

She dismounted the bike and went to him, allowing him to pull her in for a quick embrace. Tension flowed out of her. This was one of the safer places in the galaxy, somewhere she could just be herself. She didn’t have to put on a mask for Thane or try to be better than she was. She didn’t have to wonder whether he could accept the darkness inside her because it was in him, too. With Thane, she could simply be herself and that was both a gift and something she desperately needed when she felt like she didn’t know who that was.

They didn’t speak as they strolled side-by-side into the park, no longer touching. Like her, his need for physical contact was limited. They came to a stop at the edge of the canyon and her breath caught. ‘Beautiful’ was too weak a word to describe the jagged gash in the earth, it’s orange and red peaks spearing up into the blue sky. She suddenly felt very small, the sensation not unlike what she felt when she looked out onto a galaxy of stars from the shelter of a ship.

“It is...transcendent, is it not?” he said after several long moments.

“Amazing that nature could carve out something like this on its own,” she said, activating her omni-tool to snap a holo. Kaidan _had to_ see this. A grin tugged at the corner of her mouth as she sent the image to him.

_K,_

_The Grand Canyon. Wish you were here to see it for yourself. On the edge of the world again. Seems to be a theme with this trip. Hope school is going well. Got any cocky, impulsive vanguards this year?_

_-x-_

_-Kate_

Thane lifted a brow ridge. “You are smiling, Drala’fa.”

“I do on occasion,” she said, imagining the look on Kaidan’s face. He would _love_ this.

Thane gave her a flat look. “You do not smile like that.”

She closed out her omni-tool and tugged her lip between her teeth before saying, “I met someone. Or, well, ran into someone I used to know. He’s...different.”

He found a bare rock and stretched out on it with his face to the sun, patting the spot beside him. She took a seat, crossing her legs, and stared out at the canyon, noting the spots of green where it seemed nothing should be able to grow. “How long has it been since you allowed yourself to connect to someone new?” he asked.

“Cierra was the newest of the kids,” she said, thinking back to a time when she’d been truly happy. “She came to us shortly before you did, so that would make it you. Which means…seven years? Eight? Long enough. I was still a child.”

“Does this mean you have forgiven yourself, Drala’fa?”

She snorted and shook her head. “Have you met me? You think that’s ever going away, Thane?”

“It would if you allowed it,” he said.

“Have you?” she shot back. “Tell you what. I’ll forgive myself when you forgive yourself for Irikah.”

“It is not that simple for drell,” he insisted evenly.

“It isn’t for us, either,” she said. “I don’t need eidetic memory to remember the way Abby’s hair felt against my hand or hear Johnny making the sound effects when he and Gabe played First Contact or smell the smoke and scorched flesh and hair when the Reds burned or see Kira’s untied shoelace. They’re all dead and it’s my fault. I don’t deserve what he offers and he wouldn’t want me if he knew what I did.”

“Then what are you going to do?” Thane asked.

“Make sure he never knows,” she answered. “I haven’t truly felt _anything_ since that day. Mild irritation, frustration, satisfaction, sure. But even that is muted, like it’s coming at me through water. I numbed myself until I can’t _feel_ anymore. He changes that. He makes me feel...too much and not enough all at the same time. He makes me feel _human_ again. I am not a nice person, Thane. I’m not a good person, whatever that even means. I’m cold and hard and too selfish to stay away from him even though I should because he’s warmth and I’m freezing to death.”  

“Do you love him?” Thane asked.

She laid back and stacked her hands beneath her head. “I don’t think I’m capable. I care about him in my way. I enjoy his happiness. I dislike it when he’s unhappy. I’m concerned for his well-being. I want to be around him. I...miss him. Maybe that’s enough. I don’t know. I don’t know what that kind of love feels like. Probably wouldn’t be able to identify it if I felt it. What was loving Irikah like?”

He sighed. “I _had_ to be with her. She possessed and endowed me. I thought she was the goddess Arashu. I had sunk so deeply into battle sleep that it was all I knew. She woke me up. I...belonged to her. It is both my misfortune and hers that it took her death to open my eyes to the fact that I loved her.”

Red shook her head. “That sounds...far more intense than anything I ever want to feel.”

His lips curled up. “I do not believe we are given the choice, Drala’fa.”

“He’s just a friend, Thane.”

“A friend you think of when he is not present,” he pointed out.

“I think of _you_ when you aren’t around, too, and I’m not in love with you,” she countered.

“But you do love me,” he said.

She shook her head and nudged his shoulder with it. “How’d your job go?”

“The same way they always do,” he said, allowing her to change the subject. “Are you prepared for your training?”

She pushed herself up onto her elbows, feeling the grit of the rock dig into the skin and ignoring the sensation. “I’m as prepared as I can get. I’m sure it’s nothing compared to what you went through. Any tips?”

He sat up. “Do not try to look at the end. Do as you did on Elysium. One step at a time, one moment to the next. I know you are both physically and mentally capable of completing the course. If you walk away from it, it will be by your choice. Compete, whether against yourself or another. You are relentless. It is one of your virtues. You will not quit as long as you have a target to beat. No matter how bad it gets, you have survived worse. They cannot break you unless you let them. Thus, your task is simple: do not let them.”

“Easy enough,” she said. “How’s the amp VI working?”

“It is still very helpful,” he said. “Your latest software upgrade decreased my recharge time by half a percent.”

Her brow furrowed. “It was supposed to be a full percent. May I see?” She activated her omni-tool and set up the link between it and his amp, scrolling through lines of code until she found the newest update. She shook her head. “Looks right to me. We may have found the limitation to your hardware. It’s working properly on the human L4 implants. The reports I’ve been getting back are solid. Seven percent overall increase and I think I can squeeze another three out of it. They think they can conclude human trials by the end of the year.”

“And then you will finally benefit from your own creation?” he said.

“About damn time, right?” she asked. “Still pissed they wouldn’t let me get it when trials began. Said I’d just end up fucking with it and skew the results. I told ‘em to just keep me out of the trial. Making me wait wasn’t what I’d had in mind. Hell, they were resistant to installing it at all since I’m not a kid and there’s risk, but I made it a condition of the sale. I didn’t develop this for other people.”

“Yes, you did,” he said. “You forget sometimes that there was a streak of altruism in you once upon a time.”

“Idealism,” she corrected without looking up. She _could_ try something... Might work. “Naïveté. And I never did anything for strangers fully out of the good of my heart even then. I knew I could benefit someday. I certainly didn’t finish it for them. Once I had my implant, I wanted the program. Couldn’t get it unless I completed it. Couldn’t complete it without Alliance funding and R &D labs. ... _There_ , that should boost it a little more. You won’t get the full effect without a hardware upgrade, but your implant’s somewhere between the human L3 and L4 already, so I don’t think the benefit is worth changing it until I’m able to improve the output more.”

“How dangerous is the surgery?” he asked, his brow ridges flickering.

She shrugged a shoulder and closed out her omni-tool. “Not as much as the jump from L2. The L3 is designed with upgrades in mind. The L2 wasn’t. It’s still brain surgery, so it isn’t without the possibility of complications. So far, it’s only been installed on an initial basis. No one’s gotten it as a replacement yet, so we just don’t know. Brain surgery in general can cause issues with speech, memory, vision, coordination, headaches, blood clots, brain bleeds, seizures, stroke, coma, among other things. If I end up a vegetable, don’t let them leave me on life support, but the risks themselves are minimal with a good surgeon experienced in performing it.”

“You could lose your memories?” he asked, looking sharply at her.

She nodded absently. “Might not be a bad thing. I’d just have to relearn who you are. Hell, who do you think I’d even be without that history looming over me?”

“I do not know, Drala’fa, and I do not wish to find out,” he said. “Please consider this carefully. Do not risk everything you are simply for a slight increase in battlefield performance.”

“I’m not worried about it, Thane,” she said. “Either it works and I live or it doesn’t and I die. Win-win.”

“You still cannot afford my fee,” he said stubbornly.

“You’d leave me a babbling idiot?” she asked skeptically.

He sighed. “You know I would not. Let us hope it does not come to that.”

“Of course,” she said, looking off into the distance.

They sat in companionable silence together until the sun broke apogee and she needed to get on the road again. She snapped a holo of them with the canyon behind them and then he walked her back to the bike. His smile was wistful as he tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “If the gods had seen fit to give me a daughter, Drala’fa, I could only wish she’d have been just like you. You will succeed in your training. I have every faith in you.”

Her throat tightened and she looked up at him from her seat on the motorcycle. “Thanks, Krios. You’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a pappa, so that means a lot. Don’t be a stranger, ok? I’ll let you know when I get to Rio. Probably won’t have much chance to talk for a while, though.”

“I understand. Drive well, Red.”

He melted away into the shadows again and she directed the bike back out onto the road. The hot, dry, Arizona air whipped against her, tossing the escaped strands of her ponytail. Music filtered into her helmet, covering the drone of tires on pavement. In a few hours, there would be a full country between herself and Kaidan. It was both far too much and not enough.

Her omni-tool pinged as she reached the Mexican border. She pulled over and called up the message. Kaidan had gotten her picture.

_Kate,_

_Wish I were there to see it all, too. Maybe Mama was right and I should plan a getaway to come visit you. If I_ am _able to break away, it’s not going to be until this cycle is through. No vanguards this time, though plenty of adepts. I know you’d just love that._

_Signed,_

_K_

 

\---

 

_K,_

_I’d like that as long as our breaks match up. Who knows, though...I could be back in a week, right? Kidding. I’ve got this, I know. I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to exploring Rio with you. I’ve heard it’s pretty. Doubt I’ll have time to appreciate the landscape during training. It would be a nice breather._

_Good luck with the cocky assholes...I mean...adepts._

_-x-_

_Kate_


	14. Ends and Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Until next time

_4,771 Kilometers from Vancouver_

“Hey, K. You busy?” Kate asked when Kaidan answered her vid call. She’d turned her back to the pyramids and held her omni-tool so that he could see only her face. She’d come up with the idea that morning as she was driving the final kilometers to Teotihuacan and hadn’t told him her plan. Why simply take a holo when she could let him see all of it? It wasn’t as good as being here in person, but it would do. And it was Sunday, so he should have downtime.

 _“Hey! No, just finishing up a few notes on a lesson plan. You? Is everything...ok?”_ He had a bright grin on his face when he answered.

“Yeah. Just stopped for a little bit and thought I’d check in,” she said with a smile. “I found these weird stone things… You wouldn’t happen to know what they are, would you?” She turned so that her omni-tool could pick up the view.

He peered at his screen, then his mouth dropped open in surprise, eyebrows almost arching off his forehead. “ _Is that...you’re at the ruins in South America?”_

She thought her grin might split her face. The detour was totally worth it just to see the expression on his. He looked like Gabe the day Thane had bought him his first new jacket. She almost expected him to find a way to crawl through the screen of her omni-tool so he could get a closer look. ‘Cute’ was not generally a word she’d associate with him, but it fit now _._ “Yep,” she said. “You’d mentioned wanting to see them, so I...adjusted my route a little. Welcome to Teotihuacan, Mexico.”

 _“You are amazing,”_ he said. His eyes had a sparkle to them. “ _That’s...amazing. Thank you. You didn’t have to go out of your way for me, but I’m glad you did.”_

“Well, I mean, it’s not that far from Mexico City and I had to go through there anyway. Not like I readjusted my whole route to go see the Grand Canyon…” She looked away with a grin and bit her lower lip. “Wanna take a walk with me? Do you have time?”

“ _I’d like that. I’ve got the rest of the day to finish this up.”_

“All right. Fair warning: I’m a shitty tour guide. I’ve never been here before and I’ve never been on a tour that wasn’t military. So, hope you’re not expecting random trivia like the lady a few feet away is giving out.” She dropped her voice to a stage whisper. “I don’t think they appreciated me telling them I didn’t have any desire to be trapped in a group.”

He chuckled. _“If you wanted to make it perfectly clear you’re not there_ _for the history lesson, you could always pull your gun on them.”_

“You assume I didn’t? You’re a sweetheart, K,” she teased with a grin, breaking away from the crowd and beginning to climb walk down to the Avenue of the Dead.

 _“Wait...you didn’t_ actually _pull a gun, did you?”_ His brow furrowed.

She rolled her eyes, laughing. “No, doofus, I did not actually pull a gun. I only _threatened_...” She winked at him. “ _Kidding_. My gun’s stowed in the bike. Firearms aren’t allowed here.”

 _“Uh huh. Ordinarily, I would have taken it as a joke; but with you, I have to check. Smartass…”_ He shook his head, grinning.

“I’m not _that_ bad, am I?” she teased. “So, we started at the top of the Pyramid of the Moon. In the far distance is the Pyramid of the Sun. Smaller pyramids line the Avenue of the Dead, likely also named for objects within the Sol System; though, I don’t know because I haven’t looked yet. Told you I’m bad at this.” She _might_ be slightly exhilarated at the chance to see him, even through a vid screen. She was downright giddy. As she’d told Thane about him, he could make her feel far too much. She’d get it under control after this. _One more day_ ….

_"You’re doing fine. Better than I could, honestly. I’d probably just read an article on my omni-tool and forget to look up.”_

“Yeah, I could definitely see you doing that.” She shook her head. “So, this one is...not named as far as I can find. Oh, well. We’ll call it Mercury to keep with the celestial theme. How’re your classes going?”

 _“They’re good. The usual asshole adepts…”_ He smirked at her. _“They don’t have placards in front of the exhibits? Or a guided digital map?"_

“There’s a placard, but it’s worn down. I didn’t bring a datapad. If I pull up a digital map, I won’t be able to see your face. Guess which I’d prefer looking at. I’ve got this. It’s _fine_.” She moved to the next pyramid, a copy of the first. “This one is...Orion. Those stones kind of look like a belt...if you squint…. Probably used for human sacrifice or something. Anyway, how big’s your sentinel group?” The tour guide scowled at her and she threw a wink at the woman.

“They’re _cisterns_ ,” the guide said loudly. “For collecting _rainwater_.”

“Well, how the hell was I supposed to know?” Kate asked. “I don’t read Spanish.”

“The sacrifices were performed in the Pyramid of the Feathered Serpent,” the woman sniffed.

 _“You’re right. You’re terrible at this,”_ he laughed. _“Keep your day job. That poor woman is probably going to try to strangle you. Got a full house this run. Eight. That’s good, because we need them.”_

“Hey, not my fault they haven’t maintained their displays and what’s here is in a language I can’t read. If you were here, I’d be better at this. Spanish and Italian aren’t _that_ close,” she chuckled. “That seems like a pretty big class. You don’t see that many sentinels around. I bet they’re keeping you pretty happy with all the tech talk. You know I used to listen to your lectures even though it wasn’t required, right?”

 _“I may have noticed you hanging around in the back. Hope they were interesting.”_ He shifted on screen, tilting his head to the side. _“It’s a bigger class of sentinels to be sure, but class size has been slowly increasing since you went through. Having informal sessions after class to talk shop is nice, but they can’t really afford to spend time like that.”_

“I learned more in those ‘informal sessions’ than I did in most of the official lectures,” she said, meandering through the rows of smaller pyramids lining the avenue. The tour group had fallen behind and tourists who’d eschewed the guide streamed around her, parting when she neglected to move aside for them. It still surprised her at times that someone as small as she could make even grown men move out of her way. “Don’t discount their importance. You’re smart, K. And a good teacher. Besides, I bet the girls are enjoying the chance to ogle your ass,” she added with a smirk.

 _“You seriously have a problem,"_ he laughed. _“I think you might be a little biased.”_

“No bias, _amante_ ,” she grinned. “Consensus was that it was the most perfect ass this side of Arcturus Station. All the girls concurred. I held out for Omega, but it was pointed out that there are billions of them between here and there and the odds of one of them not being equal or better were statistically negligible.”

 _“There is just no right way to respond to that. So about those human sacrificial water cisterns?_ ”

She winked at him through the screen. “I lied. I might be a _little_ biased. I’d fight harder for Omega now that I’ve had the opportunity to evaluate it for myself.” She put on a mock serious face and said, “Regarding human sacrificial water cisterns, the ancient Aztecs had no need for actual water since it’s common knowledge they only drank the blood of their enemies and white wine. Later in the tour, we’ll explore the museum where decorative skull cups used by the...uh...tribal chiefs?...are displayed.”

He laughed, deep and rolling, his eyes crinkling at the corners. _“Who even_ are _you right now? White wine? Nice touch. Only a_ real _historian would know that. I can’t even imagine the looks you’re getting.”_

She laughed. “Oh, _amante_ , don’t you know no one gives a damn about anyone but themselves and a select few? No one’s paying a bit of attention to me except the tour guide and it’s her own fault she keeps following me.”

“This is the tour route,” the woman snarked, loudly enough for Red to hear.

“My tour’s more fun,” she said, changing direction to avoid the crowd...again. _She’s following me on purpose, I swear. Just to fuck with me._ “And we’ve now arrived at the Pyramid of the Sun. If you look closely, you can see grooves carved into the railing of the staircase. Some claim that it’s the result of thousands of hands over the millennia, but how do you really think they got all that blood and wine to the bottom? And...yeah, that wasn’t funny. I’m tapped out. You ruined it. In all seriousness, I think the placard says they believed the gods were born here, but my Spanish really is terrible.”

Kaidan laughed again, too hard to talk for a moment. _“You are too much. Next you’ll tell me they were really werewolves who danced to the light of the full moon to worship.”_

“Nah, that happened at the Pyramid of the Moon. This one’s for the sun.”

_“What’s that group doing over there? In the corner, with their arms up?”_

She glanced over and groaned. “Ugh. They, uh, they’re trying to...channel the sun’s energy... I can’t believe I managed to say that with a straight face.”   

_“I’m proud of you. Think they’re drunk?”_

She nodded slowly. “Yeah...I would say there’s a very, very high probability of that. Or stoned. Or both…” _Please tell me I never did shit like that._ “Wow. Now I’ve seen everything.”

_“Do I want to know?”_

“The leader’s kissing a python. Like, on the nose. And she just tied a feather to it and let it go. I’m pretty sure that species isn’t native to this area… Damn idiots.” She broke into a jog, hoping she wasn’t making Kaidan seasick, and scanned the grass. _There_! Poor snake. She scooped it up and plucked the feather from its...neck? Whatever...and draped it around hers. “Probably can’t even survive around here. Where’s that damn tour guide when I need her?” The drunken group squawked at her for stealing their feathered serpent and she flipped them off over her shoulder as she went in search of the snarky blonde. “Look at him,” she said to Kaidan. “Poor thing.”

_“I’m curious...what do you plan to do with him now?”_

“Give him to the tour guide, of course,” she said, spotting the woman. “Can’t take him on the bike.” She walked up behind the blonde woman and draped the snake around her shoulders. “Found some tourists trying to release this. Take care of it, will you?” The woman screamed and batted at the python. Red snatched it away, glaring at her. “Seriously? It’s not venomous. It doesn’t even have fangs or big teeth. Take it.”

“Are you insane?” the woman screeched.

“I prefer creative,” Red said. “Take. It. It’s a federal crime in Mexico to release a non-indigenous species into the wild and I can’t keep it.” She held the python out again and the woman jumped away. Red huffed. “I don’t get people. Fine. I’ll take it by the office.” She replaced the python around her shoulders and walked away. “Can you believe that, K? It’s like she was scared of it or something.”

_“Imagine that, people being afraid of things that are different than they are. Most people would have just let it go.”_

Her brow furrowed as she redirected the snake that was now trying to poke its head under the collar of her shirt. It wrapped around her bun instead. “And that’s why I don’t like people. I really don’t want to cut this short, but I’m going to need to take him to the office and find someone who’ll do something about it.”

 _“Ok. I’m really glad you called, Kate. Thank you.”_ He rubbed the back of his neck with a smile. _“Safe travels. Keep me updated?”_

“Of course,” she said with a smile. “Only...twelve thousand kilometers left to go. This is the last sightseeing stop, though. I’ve got to push it from here if I want to get there in time. I’m really glad we got to do this. Would’ve been better in person, but…” she bit her lip. “Kinda missed you. Not used to that. Keep in touch, okay? Good luck with your students.”

 _“Kinda missed you, too.”_ The smile grew into a grin. _“I’m enjoying the pictures you take along the way. Maybe someday we can go see it together. Take care and good luck. Adios.”_

“Alla prossima[1], K,” she said. She closed the omni-tool, trying to ignore that hollow feeling that returned to her chest, and turned her attention to the python in her hair. “All right, little guy. Let’s get you home and me to school. Rio’s still a long way away.”     

* * *

 

_Approx. 13,500 Kilometers_

Kate leaned back against her bike, fanning herself with a palm frond she’d plucked from a bush. It wasn’t as hot as it would have been even a few months before, but after the cool of Vancouver, it was definitely warm. She was doubly glad now that she’d chosen to take the bike, though she’d calculated it up and decided it would be more cost-effective to simply purchase it from the rental company than pay the mileage. She could always sell it later. It would be nice to have transportation down there if she needed it. By the time she got to Rio, she’d be acclimated to the weather. Most of her classmates wouldn’t. It would give her an advantage, at least in the beginning. Enjoying the heat would help as well.

She wondered how large the class size would be. Getting invited to the Villa at all was an honor reserved for few, but given that there were almost two hundred fifty million people in the Alliance at any given time, it stood to reason that the classes would be large. Hundreds? Thousands? Given the DOR rate and that passing one level didn’t guarantee invitation to the next, they would get smaller as they progressed through the stages, but N1 was likely to be extremely competitive. She needed every advantage she could get if she wanted to be invited back for N2.

She didn’t fool herself into thinking she would be the smartest or strongest or most powerful, but she was still determined to stand out. If the Alliance had allowed her to get her goddamn implant installed, she’d at least have a boost to her biotics that others didn’t, but she was on an even playing field there, too. While what she had was strong, her array was still as limited as it had been during biotics school. She _could_ charge, though, and that wasn’t something she’d seen in any vanguard but her instructor thus far. That should make her at least slightly unique. Otherwise, she might as well have replaced her omni-tool and called herself a sentinel.

She let the frond fall and rolled onto her belly, stretching her feet out behind her as she planted her hands in the patch of spongy moss she’d chosen as a resting spot and began to push. It wouldn’t do to let herself get out of shape on the road. She’d made a point to run a kilometer or two at every stop she made to rest and at least ten in the evening once she arrived wherever she was staying for the night. Tonight, she’d be camping by the bike. In addition to running, she’d set a goal of tripling the minimum requirements on push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups for the exit PT test by the time she arrived in Rio. She finished her count and rolled to her back, sliding her rucksack to her chest. If she’d had armor, she’d have done it in that. Instead, she performed all of her exercises with her loaded bag for added resistance. She’d already been strong when she’d left Vancouver. By the time she got to the Villa, she’d be a fucking machine.

A nearby tree limb proved sturdy enough to take the weight, so she jumped up and began to pull. Mosquitoes buzzed around her head, making her grateful for the immunizations she’d gotten against malaria and dengue fever before she’d left base. A thick boa slithered up the trunk of the tree in search of its own place to bed down for the night. She watched it with interest, thinking of the python back in Mexico. It was just trying to live its life, same as her.

When she’d finished, she cleaned up with wet wipes, which she stowed in a trash container in her bag for later disposal, and spread out her bedroll under the canopy, listening to the sounds of the forest in the night. She set the VI on her omni-tool to warn of predators in the vicinity and lay down, looking up at the thick leaves overhead. The rainy season was coming to an end. The leaves would probably be gone before she’d finished N1.  

Kaidan and Vancouver seemed very far away now. She couldn’t afford to think about him. She couldn’t be the person she’d been with him and make it through N school. The time for fairy tales and softness was over. If she wanted to go all the way, if she wanted to justify his belief in her, she had to set Kate aside and let Red come out to play. Red was fucking relentless. Ultimately, that was what would determine whether or not she succeeded. She couldn’t afford to feel things. She couldn’t afford to make connections that might break her later.

It was far easier to shut emotion off than it was to experience it. Kaidan had brought forth things she hadn’t felt since she’d watched the naÏve, idealistic child she’d been burn with her peers and the bodies of the ragtag band of children she’d called her own whom her so-called brothers had so brutally slaughtered. She’d been called cold before. She’d become ruthless. No mercy. No quarter. No hesitation. That was what she needed to be now and she slipped into that mindset with a shudder of relief that felt like coming home. This was who she was.

She should forget Kaidan altogether. As she’d told Thane, she didn’t believe herself capable of loving him the way he would need to be loved. Forgetting him, however, was easier said than done. He was a part of her now, whether she wanted it or not. Most people were simply an obstacle around which she had to maneuver or a tool to be used. Kaidan had never been either. From the beginning, he’d fascinated her. She’d been incapable of holding herself back with him. She still wouldn’t call it love, but there was an attachment there and she didn’t know if she could sever it even if she truly wanted to. She could, however, stop trying to be ‘normal’ and let herself be who she was. Kaidan was a weakness. She’d just make sure no one knew it. She’d protect him from herself.

He enjoyed the pictures she sent him from the road, so before she went to sleep, she called up her omni-tool and found the picture she’d taken earlier that morning outside of Manaus. She’d stopped on the bridge crossing the point where the Amazon River and Rio Negro joined and had taken far too many pictures of it. Both rivers’ currents were so strong that it took six kilometers for them to fully converge. Until then, the pale, sandy-colored Amazon and the black Rio Negro flowed side-by-side, together but separate, curling around each other in a swirl of contrast. It was one of the most fascinating things she’d ever seen. She selected the best of the images along with one she took of her makeshift campsite and attached them to a message.

_K,_

_This wasn’t on your list, but if I’d known about it, it would have been on mine. The Amazon and Rio Negro. Yet again, images don’t do it justice._

_Currently camped out somewhere in the rainforest. I have a boa as a roommate. Reminded me of the python at Teotihuacan._

_I’ll let you know when I get to Rio. Roughly 5,000 kilometers to go. Only a few more days._

_Alla prossima._

_-x-_

_Kate_

His reply this time was almost immediate. She’d barely closed her omni-tool and lain back down before it pinged.

_Kate,_

_The kind of beauty you can find when you’re not even looking for it always astounds me. Leave it to you to find the hidden gems off the beaten path._

_And snakes._

_Seriously, do you specifically look for them or something? That’s two in how many days?_

_Stay safe out there._

_K_

___

 

_K,_

_I think they seek me out. Like sees like, y’know?_

_G’night._

_-x-_

_Kate_

* * *

 

_17,259 kilometers_

Rio. She’d made it. The gates of the Villa stood just ahead, a shuttle approaching the docks. She was here. She’d loved it immediately. Driving the motorcycle through the massive city was like taking a trip back in time. All of Brazil had been like that, actually, but she’d expected the city to be more modern. It wasn’t until she reached the base that she felt like she’d returned to her own time period.

Upbeat music had followed her through streets that were a mashup of ancient, old, and new. Beautiful historical stonework buildings lounged alongside steel monstrosities and elegant glass highrises. The streets went from paved to cobblestone seemingly at random. Slums and tenements snuggled up against posh business and retail districts.

The landscape had been more familiar to her than she’d expected. Outside of the occasional palm, she could be in southern North America again. She’d done her OCS there, which provided her with another benefit. She was familiar with at least some of the flora. Land nav was one of her weaker points given that her entire life outside of training had been spent in big cities and on starships and space stations. Any benefit there would help, especially if she made it to the survival course.

She doubted she would have time to send messages for a while once she went in, so she called up her omni-tool. Thane and Kaidan had both requested that she let them know when she arrived. Her message to Thane was a quick one. _Here. Catch you on the flip side._ She didn’t expect a response any time soon. He simply wanted to ensure that she’d made it through the jungle in one piece. Kaidan, on the other hand, garnered a real message.

_K,_

_Standing in front of the gates of the Villa. I’m here. Rio is beautiful. If you get a chance to come down, we definitely need to explore. You’ll love it._

_I’m ready. Looking forward to the challenge._

_Alla prossima._

_-x-_

_Kate_   

She directed the bike toward the gatehouse and passed her omni-tool over the scanner. The guard saluted and motioned her in. “Here for ICT?” he asked.

“I am,” she answered. “Where do I need to go to report?”

“The instructors will meet you at the docks. Last shuttle’s just coming in. There’s parking there as well. Put this on the motorcycle and the MPs won’t tow it.” He printed off and handed her a parking pass, which she affixed to the center of the handlebars. “Good luck, ma’am.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I’m told I’ll need it.”

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Yes, ma’am,” he said.

She directed the bike the way he’d indicated and followed the trajectory of the landing shuttle. It was touching down as she pulled into the parking lot and removed her helmet. She stretched, loosening muscles that were stiff from leaning over the sporty motorcycle, and killed the engine. So, this was the Villa. Red Shepherd, street rat, gang leader, recovering addict, former whore, so-called hero, was at ICT.

 _N7, here I come._  


End file.
